Six Feet Under

22.

I wake up. Not the best part of my day. I try to keep the gloomy thoughts out of my mind and use all of my strength to get out of the bed and get ready for school. I feel really light headed. There is this weird feeling today, more intense than before. Like something extremely wrong is happening with me. I go downstairs after throwing on a pair of full sleeved t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I grab onto the banister a bit longer than usual and take my steps more slowly. Mom grabs me my lunch and I don't even make any eye-contact with her. I just give her a nod. I walk down the pavement and now I am feeling this weird itchy feeling on my face. There is something extremely wrong with me. I can literally feel it.

Is it because I haven't been eating properly? I open my lunch bag and see that there is a sandwich inside so hesitantly I take a bite. It feels so difficult to swallow it. It makes me feel like I am going to throw up but I take another bite and put the rest of the sandwich back in my bag. My breathing is heavier and I am panicking. My forehead is sweaty and I want to run and splash some water on my face. I can see a few people walking in front of me and I want to call out for help but I don't. I feel weird doing that. So, I take quicker, sloppier steps and try to hold on to those heavy breaths.

I look down the whole time while walking and bump into a few people but I don't even mutter an apology. I just want to reach somewhere safe. I look in front and I can see my school building. Usually, I feel sad while looking at it but for the first time I feel a sense of relief. I walk faster but my body is losing all the control and I am about to fall. I can sense it. Hell, even my vision is getting blurred and my eyes are teary. I try to look for Bri but I can't see for shit. I even start to gag. What the hell is happening? I can feel a few eyes on me but before I can do anything I fall on to my knees and gag even louder. And soon, my body is all cold and my vision is black.

"She should be fine in a few days." The manly voice makes my head ache, "We ran through the results and did some check-ups and it is directing towards severe anxiety."

"Is there a reason why she had an anxiety attack?" I heard a familiar voice.

"There could be plenty but it won't be appropriate for us to jump to conclusions and decide why she had an anxiety attack." The manly voice said again and I could hear some clattering in the background.

"She was crying when we saw her. Her face was pale and she was gagging so bad. Are these all symptoms of anxiety?" Bri. Thats Bri. Her's is the only voice that I can recognize even when I'm unconscious.

"We ran through the tests and she has been going through some muscle loss, that could be due to not eating properly. Why is she not eating properly, you ask? Could be anxiety, could be something else too. We need to wait for her to wake up and we'll run through some more tests and we'll get a clearer picture on to what really happened and why."

"Thank you doctor." I heard another familiar voice.

I want to open my eyes and see what's going on but I have the hint. I am 90% sure that I am in the hospital. I am 95% sure my father is here, I am 100% sure that Bri is here as well and I am 110% sure that I had an anxiety attack. If I open my eyes and see my dad, I might get a heart attack but I cannot delay the inevitable. So, I open my eyes slowly. I blink a few times, trying to adjust to the light that is shining in my eyes.

"She's awake." I hear Bri's voice. "Oh my god, you gave us a scare." She says while gently holding my hand and caressing my forehead.

I completely open my eyes and look around me. And I might just go into cardiac arrest when I see who is standing next to my father. Cynthia. I look around and see my mother standing next to Bri and when I thought this is all, Cal comes inside the room. Is there not a limit to how many people can be in the room at once? I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Now, Cal will know things about my family that I tried to hide. He will see right through it and it makes me want to die. My family is not something I am proud of and I hope I don't have to go through the shame of introducing them to my friends. But now Cal will know everything.