Lay With Me

I believe you

I gingerly lifted just the edge of Ryders shirt and laid my hand on his side, "So you get sparks when I do this."

His chest hummed before he leaned down and kissed me I left my hand on his side and we started making out.

After a little while I thought he does smell good. I left his lips and kissed down his neck leaning over him on my knees. I was having fun. I could feel his pulse against my lips it was beating really fast and I like that I have such an affect on him.

I was kissing his jawline when I felt him grasp my leg he gave me a quick squeeze, "Hey you need to stop." I heard his muffled voice. He sounded like stopping was the last thing he wanted to do.

I think I thought he was joking or maybe I just didn't care what he said because I was finally doing what I wanted to do and not what my brain was telling me.

I was back at his lips and I climbed over him so I was no longer about to fall off the couch I sat on his waist I pulled my hair over to one side and I thought...

I could do this forever.

He pulled his head back after no more than a minute breathing heavy. I leaned down slightly to catch his lips again but he held me away by my shoulders.

My eyebrows creased what is his deal, I waited another few seconds maybe he was just catching his breath.

This time I made it to his lips but I was quickly pushed back I got tense and said, "You kissed me and now you just want to stop?"

Is he just trying to get me all hot and bothered so he can laugh at me. My heart rate sped up I started to think of defenses is he going to laugh at me just like Jake did when he took my social life away all I have left is my pride I can't lose that too.

"Trust me I don't want to stop anymore than you but we have to or else my wolf is going to mark you."

I stared at him, "What is marking, and why are you worried about doing it while you are kissing me."

"It's kind of like getting married in our world as soon as I mark you it's kind of like tying the knot and I don't think you are ready for that."

This sounds like a load of BS.

"What is it specifically?"

"I bite you," he reached up and touched the tender spot between my neck and shoulder, "right here." I looked into his eyes and looked for any sign of deceit or laughter, I couldn't see any.

"Okay well if you can't control your wolf then just don't kiss my neck." I said feeling triumphant for solving his problem before he could respond I leaned in again and kissed him but he wouldn't kiss me back or open his mouth it was like trying to kiss a wall a wave of embarrassment hit me like a train.

When I pulled away after a second he had his eyes squeezed shut.

I was officially embarrassed and hurt that he wouldn't kiss me I felt a little like crying.

I tilted my head back so I could force the tears back thoughts like is it because I look like a raccoon with all the makeup under my eyes does he think I'm too heavy sitting on him does he want me to get off? My inner voice was panicking when Ryder spoke in a restrained voice, "Viv all I wanna do is kiss you—"

I cut him off in an embarrassingly high voice, "Then why won't you?"

"Because if I kiss you back for even a minute longer I'm going to mark you, and you are not ready for that."

He sounded genuine, but I was kind of mortified at not only the fact that he pushed me away once but several times and thoughts like

  ...he must think you are desperate... it was silly to think he would want to date you anyways... he must think you are so crazy he is even making stuff up to get away from you... instantly popped into my head after he said that.

I was about to cry again. I was so thankful for the darkness of the room. I swiftly got off of him and began to hotfoot it to the bathroom when he called out, "Vivian what's wrong?"

I willed my voice to come out normal, "Oh um nothing I'm just going to the restroom." My voice came out a little wobbly but I think he might just think I'm tired if I'm lucky no way is he going to see me cry.

When I got to the bathroom I looked myself in the mirror, what the hell am I even doing?! I never make the first move ever and suddenly I do like three times.

I touched my face I'm not ugly. I'm not asking the guy to marry me I just want him to kiss me guys like kissing girls right? My eyes filled with tears again and overflowed.

I'm not necessarily mad at him if he doesn't want to kiss me then that's that and I suppose I should be happy he made up a story to get away from me instead of flat out rejecting me.

The thought of him saying flat out that he doesn't like me makes me cringe and more tears started running down my pale cheeks in hot red streaks dripping on the counter.

Just then there was a knock at the door my red eyes got huge, "Vivian will you please come out here I think we need to talk."

Yeah right I not leaving these four walls until I can swallow all the embarrassing things I've done and said within the last hour.

I cleared my throat, "Can we please just talk tomorrow, I don't really feel like talking tonight."

I heard the door knob jiggle sorry bud first thing I did was lock that no way are you getting in here.

I looked at myself in the mirror crap it's going to be awhile before I get out of here my eyes are all puffy and my self-esteem is limping.

Just then I heard a click and the door swung wide open. I turned and faced the wall welp that's the nail in the coffin any confidence I had  left is officially dead.

I wish the ground would swallow me right now or I could force myself to pass out so that I wouldn't have to deal with whatever he is going to say to me especially if it's to rub it in.

"Vivian," I heard his deep voice rattle off, "why are you crying?"

I spoke still facing the wall "Look I get it if you don't like me we won't kiss I have never been so forward with anyone in my life and I'm sorry for trying to kiss you I'm not really sure what even came over me I'm done now you must think I'm crazy or something but I promise you I will never try any of that again... I'm just really embarrassed now so if you could leave me alone so I can pull myself together that would be very kind of you."

"Vivian..." I felt him rest his hands between my shoulder blades and I tensed and shivered as sparks ran down my back. He twisted me so I could face him "You don't understand—"

"Look whatever it is I get it if it's how I look or if you just find me unattractive it's whatever I knew you were out of my league. Just go please."

"You are the most attractive woman I've ever seen in my entire life." I scoffed my laughter sound wretched mixed with disappointment and disbelief.

He lightly pulled up on my chin I looked him in the eyes, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met." I rolled my eyes yeah sure makes total sense cause that would make him not want to kiss me.

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because I'm waiting for you to start laughing. The second I soften and maybe believe any of the stuff you just said you are going to reveal that it was just a joke all along."

Ryder scrunched his eyebrows he just looked at me for a second, "Why do you- screw it."

Ryder grabbed my face and kissed me with so much passion I almost fell over it's like he just burst now I'm the one having to pull away, to breathe only worse because my nose is stuffed from crying, but not for long because he pulls me right back in like a magnet.

My knees buckled but Ryder just lifted me and pressed me to the wall he was holding my face in both his hands.

I reached out and ran my hands down his chest and over his powerful shoulders I heard him grumble.

I pulled away and kissed his cheek and then pressed mine against his.