Heaven Hath No Rage - Book Two

Difficult Conversations

Theo had figured that a discussion over food would be easier. She also figured getting angry and yelling or shaming and threatening Cooker would get them nowhere. There had been no point in that in the past, it just drove Cooker away. She had believed in Cooker and always worked under the assumption that she would never slip up.

But their jobs were hard, addiction was harder, and their lives had never been easy to handle. So, she had talked through this very scenario with Xyra before she left. Theo had to be gentle but firm. Supportive. Realistic.

And that is what she tried to do.

Cooker explained what had occurred and she listened. They walked through her train of thought. Theo watched her break down, more than once. There were many tears and many frustrated fits. Dozens of distractions, which Theo allowed, and at the end of it Theo felt hopeful.

Best of all, Theo felt that Cooker understood that what she had done was not irreparable. She would come clean to those she needed to, find ways to avoid it from happening again, and that the following sun was a new start.

Some time through dessert, they had laid on the floor with their tea which is where they found themselves, the calming effect from the beverage helping them seep into the floor. Ten courses were far too many. The portions were also too large to feasibly be able to eat it all. They had shared everything and there was still food piled on the dishes. It felt like a waste but Theo would think of how to make it up some other time.

"I've saved my stern warnings. I've listened. I've been agreeable. Can I say something serious now?" Theo asked.

Cooker looked over with a nod, "Lecture away, Cap."

Theo tilted her head over to meet Cooker's eyes, "Don't let this be an excuse to not continue to get better."

"What do you mean?"

"You said earlier that this was a waste of eight cycles. All that time, thrown away for nothing."

"It was for nothing," Cooker grumbled, sitting up.

"It wasn't. It was eight cycles that you didn't use and eight cycles that you made a conscious effort to work toward not using. All of that doesn't go away because of one fuck up," Theo also sat up and spun around so they were facing each other, "all of that goes away if it becomes a pattern though. All of it goes away if the effort to try and improve goes away."

"All of those cycles of not using, I wasn't tested at all. The first real test I had, I failed. I had been around loli before but everything was going well in my life. We had money, and ships, and a plan, and people I love around me, and no stress, and work was a fucking breeze and the first time I am given a choice with stress and discomfort breathing down my neck, I cracked. I fucking cracked," Cooker pushed her hair back and then shook her head, frustration written all over her face.

Cooker had expressed similar anguish and sentiment over their dinner but it wasn't so intelligible. Theo could only address her words in bits in pieces, which clearly hadn't helped as much as Theo had wanted. Her hope that Cooker would understand she was able to move past this was slowly slipping.

Theo wasn't qualified. She felt like she was going to fail Cooker. But she was her friend and her captain– and no more experienced than Xyra or anyone else would be at it. She had to try and get Cooker to where she needed to be.

"That wasn't the whole test though," Theo reframed it with a shrug, making it seem like the conversation was coming easy to her, "sure, you caved and did a few hits when no one was around but the moment you dwelled on it, you came clean. You agreed to come here with me. You openly talked about it, which is more than you were willing to do last night. Every single thing that could have gone wrong in the moments after your first bad decision was avoided. You chose right every other time. It is alright for it to take a slip-up or two before you pass a test with a perfect score."