Queenie

24

M I X I E

"Shit, shit, shit..." I grunt into the pillow that smothered my face. I'd given my location this morning. I mean, maybe they don't even know it's me, or have any connection to be looking in the area, or better yet, aren't even looking for me.

I knew what I was doing, putting myself out there. In other places, I'd avoid the cameras, or wear sunglasses. My hair was no longer the same, and it would throw them off my trail for a while. I was practically holding up a sign saying 'It's Mixie, babe.'

There was a possibility that either the boys or my sisters saw it, but my bets were on the boys. I'd told my family to stay away, and I knew they were just fulfilling my wishes. Now, I don't know if I should've done what I did. It was a moment of weakness, and I followed through with the impulsive thinking.

"Missy!" I pulled my head from the pillow, Mason on the other edge of the bed, holding himself on the mattress with his wide eyes barely peaking over. I sighed out my worries, crawling to him, and pulling him onto the bed, he was obviously done playing with his toys now.

"All done playing, bambino? It's getting closer to bedtime." I murmur as I swipe his hair across his forehead. He makes a soft grunting noise as he slams his head into my chest, his tiny hands fisting my shirt. I smiled widely at his response, his body falling back to lay against my folded leg. His body turns to face me, his legs curling up in the slightest, and his hand reaches out to my hair. I barely catch it on time, so a chunk of hair remains embedded in my scalp.

Mason giggles as he squirms, making grabby hands to me, an adorable pout on his face. I quickly pull my hair into a short ponytail with a hair tie on my wrist, before pulling him to me, falling back dramatically, as he clung to me with his arms wound around my neck.

"You're my sweet boy, you know that? I'm going to give you the life you deserve, I promise. And one day, i'm going to tell you about your mother, and I truly hope you don't hate me.." I slightly whimper at the end of my words, holding on to him tightly as his face was deeply nuzzled in my neck.

Mason doesn't make any noise or word back, just breathes against my neck as I held him. My eyes fixated on the ceiling, and with every blink, I remembered the halted blinks of Amayas. I could feel the still warm skin of her as I closed her eyes, the taunting tear from the darkest parts of Hell, laughing at me for thinking everything would be okay. I believed in Karma, and this was my consequence, I could feel it in my bones.

Though, as I held onto the tiny human clung to me, I wondered if it was also a twisted fate? Was she supposed to die for me to care for Mason? Was this my chance to live a life of motherhood? Is it my do over?

So many questions, and yet, no God answered them.

"Let's get you to bed, yes bambino?" I pepper his cheek with small kisses, his little giggle warming up my chest. I roll off the bed with him still on me, holding him from under his backside. Mason had stopped wanting to drink any kind of milk a few weeks ago, I had almost zero clue if he needed it, but I let him choose what he wanted. When he wants to sleep, he'll fall right to sleep with no hesitation. Although, he doesn't nap during the day, only at night.

Quickly, I take him to the bathroom, helping him brush his teeth with his Spider-Man toothbrush. His eyes were tiredly blinking, barely making fast movements. I combed back his hair, the curls slightly frizzing. I used water to recoil them as best I could.

"Beautiful." I exclaim quietly, squeezing his hands in mine with a smile. The moment I bent forward, his arms wound around my neck, attaching to me as I rubbed his back. After turning off the light, I walked to his room across the hall, the door open to let some light from the kitchen flood in as I got him situated for bed.