Queenie

20

M I X I E

There was a buzz in the air. One of unadulterated fear. Every cry got louder and every plea got stronger. That cold burning panic pricked at me like a million needles.

We were showered by the minute the sun had came up, given the sunrise from a small window where the showers were held. You weren't allowed to shave anywhere, your buyers would arrange everything after you've been sold.

I felt slight relief from the quick shower. The grime accumulated on my body was somewhat washed off. I could feel my face clean from the oil buildup taking residence on every pore and crevice.

"Ally, is it almost time?" Sage was anxious, her knee bouncing in every position she was in. I gave her a pointed look at her knee and she grimaced as she stopped.

"Yes." There was a slight avoidance, not because I didn't want to do it, but a sliver of me was afraid. Nothing ever goes perfectly, a bump will always manage to surprise me, "Soon." I simply give, pushing myself off the floor.

I swallowed saliva forcefully in my dry mouth, standing beside Sage, and bending down. My lips placed a gentle kiss on her clean hair, squeezing her hand in reassurance.

"As soon as the doors open, guide everyone out. Use that loud voice." I whisper in her ear, making sure no guards would hear me, although I seriously doubted it. Her nerves were eating away at her, but I knew she was going to be okay.

I stationed myself at the door, hands holding the iron rods with tight grips. For a moment, I wondered if my family was even close to finding me. If they had somehow managed to figure out where I am. And then I wondered, how long? Were they coming? Thing was, you don't depend on others. I love my family, but sometimes I don't like them. I will throw myself in front of a bullet for any one of them, but I can't ever talk to them about my private life, because I don't trust them with it.

It was wrong to feel that. They've given me everything. I've been reassured a million times, yet it never seems to be enough for me. I'm so afraid to open my heart to those of my family. To be vulnerable. I'm not vulnerable. I'm confident, and crazy, and fun, and fearless.

I'm supposed to be fearless.

I hadn't told them of my plan because I won't depend on them to help me when I cry. I won't depend on them to see me in such a vulnerable situation. I won't depend on them to save me. We share blood, and we share a bond, but at the end of the day, I only have myself. I've pushed away and isolated myself, because of fear. Ironic.

As I stood, in this hazardous cell, rotting and rusting, I let that fear crawl it's way up my throat. I let it's darkened tendrils grip my throat, slither to every part of my body, and burn me alive in its hold.

Then, I let it go.

"I need the doctor!" I shout at the guard, my voice cracking as he strolled over to my cell, raising an eyebrow, "I have a vaginal infection, gross discharge." I shrug a shoulder and his lips lift into a disgusted scowl.

"Don't try anything funny." He warns me, opening the cell, and pointing the barrel of the gun at me. I hold my hands a bit more out of my body at my sides, taking steps down the long hallway to the office. I feel the metal barrel against my back, pushing me forward with harsh shoves. Another guard opened the door with a keycard, a familiar office coming into sight with an all too chipper doctor.

"Ally, Ally, Ally, what can I do for you?" His voice was suggestive and it caused a bit of throw up in my mouth. I crossed my arms over my chest, curling my shoulders inward.

"I have a vaginal infection. A week in solitary confinement, on a dirt floor, isn't very healthy." My smile was sarcastic, and he hummed, almost purposely stupidly. He rolled on his chair to the table, patting it twice.