My Magical Waifu

Chapter twenty five

Chapter 25

Lord Farquaad POV

My kardía hurts, My leggies are shaking, and I feel worse than before I tracked down my beloved Queenie. I love her, I really do, but she really does make me depression. Often times I wonder how I have managed to carry on with this great burden, this terrible pain. How did I manage it before??
“WAIT just a Diddly dang MINUITE!” I say to myself, shooting up from my sexy, silky bed. “hahahhaha”, I laugh in a lowercase supervillain manner, “What do I have that rusty old mirror for, to pop my pimples In front of? No! I have to use it for my own gain, and my own gain alone! I am a Lord after all, practically everything is a servant to me!”

I jump elegantly from my bed to speak with the mirror once more, but realize too late that the stool that usually sits at the foot of my bed to assist me in reaching the floor without struggle is missing! My stubby legs are unable to reach the floor without the stool. “TRÉQUINZOL” I call dramatically to my servant. My stool hobbles hurriedly to my aid, and immediately gets on its hands and knees before me, already knowing what I need it for. It looks kindof hot in that position, but I mustn’t get distracted. My Dracella awaits me! I shan’t spend another second being played by this wench>;((
After finally reaching the floor, I run from my expensive daddy bedroom and down the hall and a bunch of other halls then get lost and go backward down other halls, then remember it’s just around the corner from my bedroom and realised I just wasted 10 minuites of my life running around my castle, as if my whole life isn’t just wasting my life running around my castle. Eventually I do manage to find the room in which we keep Mr mirror.

I open the door, and call “Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me the sexiest maiden, the one so-“ I stop before making the swaggiest rhyme as my mirror is GONE! “GASP” I say aloud, “Where are you!!!”. I run like a Roblox character around a corner to see mirrors? Two mirrors one on top of the other, and they seem to be creating unholy noises, which was strange as my mirror is a very righteous mirror. I scream like a little bitch at even the idea of the mirror getting any glass pussy. “How dare he get more bitches then I” I proclaim.
The mirror levitates back up, “Bruh, the fuck you wan’?”.
I pull out my A .950 JDJ rifle and shoot the young glass damsel upon the floor 31 times in what I guessed was her baby maker. I switch instantly from my murderous horror face that looks a bit constipated, into my usual, passionate one (I’m a Gemini teehee).

“Now let’s talk bizness. My waifu has ran away once again I have not a clue as to why this might be.”
The mirror gives me a strange look, as if he’s about to tell me to take a hint. “Take a hint my man”, the mirror sighs.
“I don’t know what that is”
I continue to ignore him as he blurts nonsense such as “Oh my days” and “No wonder you get no bitches” and a few sighs.
“I order you to find mi Wifey”, I look him dead in the eyes as I say this. It almost breaks my neck but it’s worth it as I am so menacing he would probably shart himself if he wasn’t a mirror. The mirrors face shapeshifts into pure confusion (and lust) as if he just watched me murder his female. “The Frick is up with your goofy ahh face expression, I kidnapped you for the sole reason of possessing the ability to stalk people, without consequences!”
He rolls his eyes and speaks big man words. “Big man, I fr can only show you that chick, I don’t know where she layin foo’”.
Now I possess a similar expression as the one the mirror had when I mudered his wench. “Then perhaps I’ll have to re-considered your usefulness, and put you to rest just like I did with YOUR wifey, mwehehehehehe”. 
He looks up at me in pure horror “Damn, it ain’ that deep. I’ll show you where she at, figure it out like that.”
“oki” I reply as I merrily skip away, glad of the chance I have of truly holding my Dracella, once and for all!