My Magical Waifu

Chapter seventeen

Chapter 17

Lord Farquaad POV

“Sorry man, I’ll do that for you now” The mirror swirls into a variation of colours, but the colours seem to be fading and glitching. “I can’t focus on him, he keeps moving.”
“What do you mean, she keeps moving? I thought she just stood still all day like I do because we are fellow royalty”
The mirror mutters to himself. “He has no idea, does he...”
“Did you say something?” The mirror flashes a blindingly bright white, and I cover my face in pain. “AUGH. WHAT WAS THAT?”
“I dunno fam.” The mirror finally focuses on something. It looks beautiful, but it isn’t Dracella! It looks like space..?
“Why is my kween in space?” I ask
“Hey, don’t ask me, I just show you where people are so you can stalk them.”

“Oh, well. It looks like she’s too busy to make it. It’s a real shame. I’m going to cry myself to sleep whilst eating my shrimp ice-cream. I am not actually this calm, I am screaming in sorrow inside of my head.” The mirror flashes again, this time a bright pink. “OW. JEEZ. STOP DOING THAT.” I swivel on my heel and head for the door, when suddenly the mirror stops me in my tracks.
“DAYUMNN, You’re gonna want to see THIS, MAN.”
“What is it.” I say dejectedly.
“Your girl actually made it!”
“What? But I just looked! She was nowhere to be seen!”
“Look again.”

I stride with meaning toward the diamond doors once more, hoping, praying that she’s here at last. After all this time, could it really be true? Could it? I kapoot the door open and march through the crowd, toward the castle doors, less elegant and shiny as the diamond doors leading to the rest of the castle. I weave through a web of emerald green, mint green, forest green, Crayola crayon green, lime green, moss green, vomit green, light green, baby green, dark green, chartreuse, not green, glittery green, Dream green, grayish green, grass green e.c.t. dresses, past my mahoosive rich exorbitant throne that literally cost me two feet. That’s totally why I’m 4’6 and I don’t make that up to look cool when I tell people “I used to be 6’6, but I had to give up two feet for that gigarich throne over there when I bought it off of a creepy sussy Baka witch. And not the feet with toes.” and they reply with “ok” or “I didn’t ask”. Or both.

I am suddenly lifted by several drunk wemen, all cheering and giggling as they hold me and toss me high in the air. “Not now, ladies. I have important matters to attend to. I know I am irresistible, but you’ll have to manage for some minuites.” There’s then a loud crash outside, and everyone at the ball is startled. “Move aside, please, ladies. Sadly, I have even more important matters to attend to.” They don’t listen, and continue to carry me like servants. But, from this height, I can just barely see a mint green blob with a yellow blob on top of it, and also another more ugly blob beside it, run across the drawbridge and into the vast ocean of other green wemen. "Oh, my, my! Could it possibly be... my true lauv?"