To Let it All go Down in Flames - jegulus/starchaser

A New Era (james pov)

I was too blind to realize that Right then, I was not being James Potter, but. The old James wasn't James Potter either. I don't think anyone, not even myself, knew the real James Potter. Maybe there is no real James Potter. Maybe I'm looking for something that was never meant to exist. Maybe I'm complicated. Both to self absorbed and to concerned for others. Maybe I'm a simultaneous wreck. To confused and complicated by my own actions and my own thoughts to see what's right in front of me.

But I could swear I was seen for the first time, and the new pair of eyes no longer felt clouded.

I found myself dressing darker, talking differently I even did my hair differently. I felt different. I felt new. I felt untouched. I felt fresh. I felt As if I wasn't haunted Anymore.

After classes, I would mindlessly carry myself to the Slytherin dorms. Sometimes no one would be in the dorm so I Just perch myself on Regulus's bed, take out homework until one of them would find me there. They weren't even surprised to find me anymore. They would smiled at my notice appearance Saying a couple of words to me and then sitting in a comfortable silence.

There were no Comfortable silences with the Marauders, every Moment felt like it had to be taken up by an action or a sound, by doing something constantly, always having to be something. But now with the Slytherins, we could just be nothing and do nothing yet have it still be rich and fulfilling.

Hours would pass by were Pandora and regulars would just sit next to each other, not saying anything. But then, randomly, they'd start picking up a conversation on who's knows what, as if they had been talking the entire time, their mere presence being enough to fuel that bond.

I tried to think if I had done that with Sirius, I tried to think if I even had a connection with Sirius at all. To some extent, I know I did. I know there was some part of Sirius black I clung to; He was my best friend I know there's no changing that. I know that no one will ever know me as Sirius did, but not knowing whether he saw the real James Potter or the fake one presented to the world was killing me.

Sometimes brief new moments after classes or meals which stretched into night were oddly comforting, sometimes early mornings that were spent in silence Consumed the day with the Slytherins. Sometimes the cold winds of the winters edge would sink into the dorm rooms, and we'd all curl up with hot chocolate and blankets, just talking, not doing much, and just being.

There are no expectations, there are no regulations. If someone's having a bad day, they could just come in and bitch about it with everyone be open ears.

Sometimes Regulus would disappear, going to the kitchens, coming back with more savory foods than the marauders often ate. He also often came back with tales of the house elves and what was going on in their lives.

If I ever felt like talking like it was getting too much, or if I was getting drained, All I had to do was tug on Regulus 's hand and we would disappear. No questions were asked. No one thought anything of it. Those were the best moments.

The long walks around the castle hand in hand, sometimes in silence sometimes filled with everything filled the gaps. I felt like I couldn't mess it up, like it was solid, It was perfect. Like it was untouched or unburned. It was fresh, and new, and light. Was a beacon, Beacon of hope, Beacon of love. It was perfect and beautiful.

Regulus couldn't wait for the quidditch season to pick back up. He could not wait to get his broom in the air with the fresh breeze and the unbroken sky, he could not wait for the sound of the rustling trees in the background in the hunt of the Golden Snitch. None of the Gryffindors liked quidditch as much as I did, none of the Gryffindor's ever talked about me about the game. But Regulus? He loved talking about it.