Death Kiss // Jaywon

~27~

"...Park Haewon, Park Hyeji, Park Jihoon, Park Jongseong..."

Jay was walking onto the stage with the other seniors as the announcer rattled off the names of who was graduating. Sunghoon wasn't too far behind him, and then Jake would come on with the "S" section. 

He would never have imagined that after talking about it so much, Jungwon wouldn't be here at his graduation. It had been a week or a little more, and Jay still felt empty. 

As the principal and a bunch of teachers and speakers stated their speeches, Jay did not listen. He was like a stone standing there. And since the day, he had been a zombie literally. 

He unfroze as the crowds and students erupted into cheers. Finally they could get off stage. The seniors went to find friends and family, take pictures, make memories. Jay found himself taking pictures with his parents and friends, Jake and Sunghoon, but they all felt very heavy. 

They were talking around when Sunghoon heard a "Hey Sunghoonie!" and he looked up. It was Cha Junhwan and his family he hadn't seen in so long. "Junhwan-hyung!" he said in amazement.

"Hey, you finally graduated, how does it feel?" he asked with a laugh.

Sunghoon answered quickly, then he remembered Jake.

Sunghoon was scared to look at Jake. What would his expression be? Would he be visibly upset? "Junhwan-hyung, this is my...friend...Jake." He hesitantly looked at Jake's reaction.

Of course, Jake was all smiles. "Hey man, it's nice to meet you." He shook hands and seemed like the most unbothered in the world. But Sunghoon knew Jake cared. It hurt him to see his -ex?- who he still loved, putting on such a front.

Jake even carried on a casual conversation with Cha Junhwan about his aspirations and next steps to the future. After the light conversation, Jake and Sunghoon went to the locker rooms to change out of the gown because they were all going out to eat.

Jake whispered and grinned to Sunghoon, "Hey, you two really look good together."

Sunghoon stared at Jake. "Jake..." Why... are you so beautiful?

----

Jay also went with them. He hadn't talked much and everyone knew why. Not everyone was good at showing such a big smile during hard times like Jake. Jay showed a small one, only when he had to, still obviously disturbed.

On his way he heard a "Jay-hyung, congratulations!" He turned around; it was Sunoo.

"Hi Sunoo, thanks," he gave one of those smiles. He could tell Sunoo wasn't feeling any better after either. Afterall he had been Jungwon's best friend. His eyes were red like he'd been crying. Everytime Jay had seen him, after the incident, Sunoo had been like this. It had been hard on him...

Ni-ki was close behind and congratulated him as well. He also looked sad and regretful. It was obvious everyone tried to look happier, but it's normal after someone close to you was dead.

Sunoo wished to go home early because he felt that he couldn't make it through another hour of laughing and talking around a table, he missed Jungwon very much.

So Jay went to change into casual wear and he came back. The families all went outside together and went to eat. It was a cool dark night, and Jungwon wasn't there to be with him. He also noticed that the slight pressure that he had carried since he met Jungwon had also been lifted. It had probably been the curse. 

Jay looked up at the stars and wished he could see more like on that dark night he had sat with Jungwon and they had seen everything clearly, but here there were too many city lights.

His parents were surprised when at the restaurant table he laughed and talked with everyone else. He hadn't been like this a moment ago. It's because Jay had remembered that Jungwon wished him to be happy...if he would keep the promise, he'd better just start now. He tried to convince himself that Jungwon was in a better place anyway.

After graduation Jay would be going to the U.S. to study business. Maybe he'd take over his father's company, but he wanted to start his own. He recalled speaking about it to Jungwon before...

"Jay-hyung, you have so many ambitions. I bet you'll be successful."

If you had asked him before this night how he would feel for the rest of his life, Jay might think he can't go anywhere, he can't do anything with Jungwon. But tonight he made the decision.

There is so much more in the world to look forward to. He couldn't just stay like this. Moping around about Jungwon would only hinder what he could do. Besides Jungwon there were all the other people with him too, his mom, his dad. How much pressure would they have when they saw their son could barely function even though he had been brought up with everything good in the world?

No, of course he wasn't forgetting Jungwon. He was just...moving on. Yes, that's what Jungwon would like, wouldn't he?

The night was soon over and everyone went back home. It was late and Jay's parents were exhausted, going straight to bed. Jay lingered a little in his room and listened to the playlist Jungwon and he had created together.

After a while Jay noticed it wasn't as busy on the road anymore. He crept out of the house and started the lonely walk to the community gate. He hadn't gone far but stopped halfway down his long driveway. This was where he woke up and saw his Jungwon leaning over him with snowflakes in his hair, looking like the angel he was now.

He continued his walk out the gate and called a taxi over. He got inside. "Can you take me to..."

There was only one disturbing question in Jay's heart that hadn't been answered. He didn't want to think that he had killed Jungwon...but he had, hadn't he? Jungwon hadn't been killed by officers, he had been killed by kissing Jay. Well Jay just said it. Jungwon had been kissing him. But if he didn't exist, Jungwon would have had no Jay to kiss. And therefore he wouldn't have died like that. It would be something to haunt him for a long time.

After a long while Jay paid the driver and got out of the car. He was at a park with few lights at all. He went up stone stairs and kept on climbing up, up. Last time, he had hiked up with Jungwon. This time he was hiking...alone?

It took him half an hour to get to the top, where he wanted. And by that time his eyes had adjusted to the darkness. He found the flat stone where he and Jungwon had etched their names.

He laid down on the dry grass and rested his head on the rock, looking up at the sky. You go to heaven or hell when you die. So Jungwon was up there, somewhere? But where?

He spotted a light blue star shining up in the sky. It wasn't moving; it was stationary. It seemed to speak to him.

Jay-hyung?

"Jungwonie!" he whispered under his breath.

The star shined even brighter and had a glow like none other in the sky. Jay closed his eyes.

Jungwon was with him. He would be with him forever, he could feel it. And it made his heart so light...

Baby, we will live a better and happier life...together.

 

The End.