wall between us // wilbur soot x y/n // !!DISCONTINUED!!

almost

tw: suicidal thoughts, attempt(?)

Fuck my life.

Y/n is currently sat in her office, knowing she'll only feel worse the day after if she takes a free day again. She promised herself that she will only record today, which means she'll go home quicker than yesterday. She knows that there are background tracks in today's song, but her mind can't handle the thought of this song not having any extras.

She knows Wilbur won't be here today, so the office is awfully quiet and unwelcoming. Her mind is slow, but also incredibly fast. She's not thinking of anything specific, but she can feel a dark and gloomy atmosphere overcome the whole office as she hits record.

"I thought I couldn't love anymore
Turns out I..."

Fuck.

Each time she tries to record the stupid song for the stupid album that her stupid self wants to finish soon, her mind goes blank. She doesn't remember the chords or lyrics, the tempo or the tone. She's been trying for 7 hours. She's frustrated to the point of almost smashing her guitar, because she can't fucking focus. She doesn't know what's happened, so she decides to simply give up, but her brain doesn't wanna give up on only the song.

She's terrified at the one thought going through her mind right now.

Kill yourself.

She's felt this before, but this one sticks out. It's pulling her to a bridge or tall building, possibly just a busy road. She remembers a page in her journal that she wrote when she was 13.

"Suicide has been very real to me recently. Instead of just wanting to take some pills or hang by a rope, I feel like it's necessary. I feel like... suicide is attractive in a way. It seems familiar, almost as if it were my destiny. Funny, I don't believe in that. It's cliche and bleh, but I feel like it was always gonna lead to me taking my own life."
(this is actually from my diary when I was 13🤭)

She exits her office.

Do it.

She walks to a nearby bridge.

It's called: freefall

She sits on the outside railing of the bridge.

Kill yourself.

She let's one hand go.

You're ready.

She simply closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

Jump.

Why has no one stopped me? There are about 3 other people on this fucking bridge, so why am I still hanging by one hand?
It's because they don't care.
Everyone in your life that you think cares, probably doesn't.

Fuck.

She climbs back on the main platform of the bridge and sits down. She heavily breathes while taking in what she had almost done. Y/n feels like no matter how long she'll sit there, not a soul in the universe will come out to help her, but her breathing hitches when she hears a familiar voice.

"Y/n?"

"Hiya, Gold." Y/n says, sounding as if she'd been laughing mere seconds ago. "Why are you here? You finish the song?" Wilbur asks, oblivious to where Y/n had just been. "Uhh... I actually didn't even record anything? I couldn't focus at all." Y/n says, looking from the river she nearly ended up in to Wilbur.

"You missed me that much? That's quite sweet, princess." Wilbur says. Y/n feels herself fighting back tears as she looks into his eyes and bites her lower lip in a stressed manner.

"Y/n, why are you here?" Wilbur asks, obviously having an idea of what the reason might've been due to Y/n's stressed mannerisms. "I just needed some fresh air, Will." Y/n says, choking on her tears as she brings a sweater paw up to her face to hide her very visible crying.

"Oh... oh, Y/n..." Wilbur says as he bear hugs Y/n and comforts her to the best of his abilities.

"I'm so sorry, dear... I wish I would've been in the office today... I wish I would've gotten some sort of hint... I wish I would've realised that you're going through so much..." Wilbur says as his eyes start to water and the girl in his arms falls to her knees with Wilbur still holding her in a tight bear hug.

"It's not your fault... I promised to tell you... I promised to tell someone... he said to tell someone!" Y/n screams as she cries the most gut wrenching cry ever.

-
"If you ever feel as though the world is caving in around you, talk to a trusted person in your life."
"Like you?"
"Yes, dear... like me..."
"Why are you crying?"
He passed away just a few days later.
-

"Shh... breathe, dear... just focus on my breathing and heartbeat." Wilbur instructs. Y/n follows these directions because at this point in time she knows her life depends on it. "Now try to match my breathing..." Wilbur says as he takes a deep breath and slowly calms down Y/n.

How has not a single person come up to us?

After a few minutes of simply holding on to each other for dear life, the both of them shift positions and wait for the other to say something, with neither of them knowing what to say. Finally, Y/n speaks up.

"I... thank you..." she says, not knowing exactly what would've been right to say in the moment. "You're thanking me? For what?" Wilbur asks, looking down at the girl in his arms. "For being here. For existing near me. For simply talking to me and helping me... always." Y/n says, looking at the view in front of her.

Can't believe I'm not down there.

In stead of verbally replying to Y/n, Wilbur simply embraces her in a tight hug.

"Let's get home, dear. My home. There's no way I'm leaving you alone."

—————
that took a twist o_O
(this book is lowkey just as "surprising" to u as it is to me bcs i have no idea where im going w this)
thoughts?