After All This Time// Sebastian Sallow x Reader Hogwarts Legacy Fanfiction

Chapter 6

"Y/n?" Said Sebastian.

I didn't turn around. I kept my face glued to the window. 

"That's okay, you don't have to say anything to me," he said. Oh, Sebastian. 

I wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in my throat and made me want to cry. 

I wanted to tell him that I've missed him. 

I wanted to tell him that I was there for him, even though he didn't answer my owls. 

I wanted to make sure he was doing alright.

But the words were stuck in my throat. I could feel the lump forming, urging me to let it out and cry. But Sebastian is the last person I wanted to cry in front of. I don't know why I was so defensive with my tears, but I always have been.

"I couldn't sleep, and I'm assuming you couldn't either," he said. His voice was closer this time. I wanted to turn around and look him in the eye, but I couldn't bring myself to. Suddenly, a hand touched my shoulder, but I instinctively batted it away. A small sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. Sebastian didn't say anything at first, but he came closer and put his hands on my shoulders. "You can cry if you want to, you don't have to hide that from me," he said. 

He hasn't talked to me in so long, part of me is relieved. But the part of me that has hardened from his silent treatment wanted to blow up at him. There were so many big emotions swirling around inside me right now, I didn't know what to do with them. 

"Were you angry with me after our fifth year?" I asked him, rather suddenly. I tried to keep my voice as strong as possible while speaking to him. I know it's not really the right time to ask him this question, but I had to know. he was silent. "You never answered any of my owls, Sebastian. That didn't exactly feel nice, but I can understand if you're angry with me about what happened?"

"What would I have to be angry with you about?" he asked me. His voice sounded pained, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I shifted my stance and faced him. 

"You lost Anne, and it's all my fault, isn't it?" I stated plainly. 

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Sebastian's POV//

Ever since my fifth year, I had a hard time getting to sleep at night. I decided to head out into the common room to clear my head and maybe read a little to try to make myself tired. 

Once I entered the commons, I realized I wasn't alone. 

Leaned up against the window, was the girl I'd spent most of my fifth year with. Whether it was in random caves or dungeons, or just messing around in Hogsmeade, she was my go to friend. I wondered how and why I let her slip away from me. Maybe for a moment, I could approach her and act like nothing had changed. Just talk to her like I used to. 

I approached her.

"Y/n?" I asked. She didn't make a sound, or turn around. I could see her arms shaking as her hands cupped her face. 

Was she crying? 

"That's okay, you don't have to say anything to me," I told her. "I couldn't sleep, and I'm assuming you couldn't either." I placed a hand on her shoulder, but she batted it away. The rejection stung a little bit, but I pushed forward with the interaction. 

Suddenly, a sob wracked from her, and my instinct was to wrap her in a hug. I couldn't do that now. That would be way too forward. I told her she didn't have to hide it if she cried. I wanted her to feel comfortable around me, like old times. I used to be there for her all the time, but I'm not anymore, and I wish that weren't the case. 

Why did I let her go?

"Were you angry with me after our fifth year?" she asked. Her words shocked me, but I knew that's how I must've acted. 

I was angry at the time. Not at her, or anyone else for that matter, but at myself. I obviously didn't treat her right in the end if she thinks I'd be mad at her for doing what was right. 

"What would I have to be angry with you about?" I asked her. I just wanted to see what she was thinking. I used to be able to tell what was going on inside her head, just from her facial expressions. But so much time has passed, and we're different people now. I hate to think we've grown apart, though. 

"You lost Anne, and it's all my fault, isn't it?" she said. She was facing me now, and I could see the pain on her face. She was still plagued with everything that happened that fateful year, as was I. 

"Oh, no, nothing is your fault, dear," I said to her. Her face softened a bit, but the sadness was still in her eyes. I moved my hands to her elbows and pulled her face close to mine. In this proximity, I could feel her breath tickle my lips. Her hands stayed on her face, as if to hide herself from me. I removed her hands and cupped her face with my own. I wiped a stray tear away with my thumb. 

There were so many things I wanted to say to this girl. I'd done so many dumb things that caused our falling out, and she somehow thinks it's her fault. I wanted to make her okay, but I wasn't sure how in this moment. 

"Why didn't you write me?" she asked me. I knew this question was coming, and I still didn't have a very good answer. I'd spent that whole summer in Feldcroft by myself, and I received every single one of her letters. I'd read them, and kept them. So why didn't I respond? I could see the hurt in her eyes. She's been stuck on this for a while, I can tell. "I needed you, Sebastian. If you weren't upset with me, then why didn't you send me an owl?"

Her words stung like a knife in my chest. 

She needed me, and I wasn't there for her. 

Even after everything she did for me, I couldn't do one simple thing for her. So why?