Obsession

93

Motorbike.
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The chill summer breeze brushed against their faces, the relatively warm morning. The sun was rising from it's slumber, birds were singing calmly while nibbling around the trees. It was calm, the world was at peace for now. There was something so beautiful about the view of the neighborhood this early morning. It seemed like such a friendly and united place, despite the neighbors being relatively private about their own life and rather not engaging with small talk with one another. But it looked so pretty.

The calmness wasn't enough to calm down the two boys, who stood with two backpacks on their backs. Filled with water, money, food, whatever they could possibly need for their long trip.

Of course Jeongin didn't want it to turn out this way. But there was something brutally bugging him, and he wanted to figure out what it was, atleast before it was too late. He wanted to try everything to find peace within himself, he was tired of the long sleepless nights, the unproductive days, and the sins he performed with Hyunjin at night.

It was one thing to say the least. And that was what they were about to go into, was extremely risky. Either way, they some how managed to find out the town Chan and Seungmin had settled down in. Though even so, Jeongin was morally conflicted whether they still dared to have their ground property still being there. Either way, he was going back to have a look.

He wasn't going to attempt to engage with Chan and Seungmin. He did this for himself. He wanted inner peace, to be able to move forward in life even despite the struggles that held him by chains.

"You sure you want to do this?" Hyunjin asked, his voice quiet as they stood out by the front porch of the boy's house, head tilted towards the view infront of them.

"I already told you..I'm not going back to them..I just need to redeem myself" he explained himself, taking a deep almost stinging breath before stepping towards the small vehicle which was supposed to drive them quite far away from Busan.

Hyunjin didn't say anything, he just followed along the younger, making sure he had somewhat enough money for gas on the way there, and back again.

They took their assigned seat before Hyunjin started the engine, getting the GPS ready on his phone, as he plugged in his earbuds, ready to listen to the directed informations. Jeongin wrapped his arms around Hyunjin waist, after he put on the heavy helmet. And so, the journey began.

Starting the engine and slowly driving away from the house, which contained his peacefully sleeping parents who had no clue as to what their own son has planned. But it wasn't like he was going to dissappear again, he wasn't going to be held captive for four years again. He was going to try and move forward, tired of the same old bullshit that held him together like glue.

He originally believed he would have been free from the men when he escaped, but they haunted him even more since he came home to this old neighborhood. The trauma that laid beyond him kept him up every night, and he hated to rely on other people for help, or to forget himself at times. It wasn't healthy for him, he needed that big step, even if it would require patience and physical strength.

Nothing would ever hurt as bad as almost dying.

One of which he was familiar with.

Maybe it was the brink of death that felt so euphoric back then. The reminder that he would lose any opportunity to retrieve back to his old life, and pass away from this earth. But it was calming back then, knowing he could have gotten peace from his mind, the mind that made such a deep hole for itself to bury in.

He never realized how big of a mess he truly was back then, but somehow he still managed to miss the comfort of the abusive treatment. Hoe even the slightest of manipulations made him feel so comforted back then.

Back then.

It was all back then.

He wasn't there anymore, he thought about how the men could possibly been doing. He betrayed them, and he may not regret it, but he felt guilty for it in a way that consumed him alive. He was done for, he couldn't keep ignoring everything that was important to him. And maybe, maybe visiting the place it all mainly happened, would tear him apart from reality again.

But he promised himself that if this didn't work..nothing else will. He wouldn't dare to live another day on this planet, if he didn't come to peace with his mind. He didn't dare to see the next sunrise, he only dared for himself to become the next sunset, but never vice versa.

He was no one to rise. He was only to set in place. He has been that for the past four years. His mind has officially been corrupted to the point he couldn't differentiate between reality and surrealism..it was as if he was sunken  etween the border of self hatred, and the lure misfortune of misunderstandings.

His heart was burning more than ever. The thoughts were too chaotic to bear. His eyes were swelling up with the disgusting tears Hyunjin kept calling beautiful.

How was he beautiful? Was it the scars ignited on his body that made him so different from the rest..was he an experience to attempt once in a life time? Was he just some roller coaster ride that everyone threw up on? Cause why the hello did everything have to go so fucking wrong? When did he dare to beg for too much? Why did he get hit with such a distressed fate?

What did he do?

He was at loss for thoughts and hope, passing by the many cars that contained people with realistic lives and opportunities. He compared himself to them, he hated almost everyone he saw who went on with their own lives. It brought him so much anger, envy, he couldn't describe how painfully it hurt and provoked him.

He wanted to ruin their happiness and fun. Even if it was just the anger that riled him up.

He wouldn't ever believe in good again.
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Managed to post this despite the busy skiing trip I'm on :).