Obsession

43

Bin.
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"Swallow it now" Chan groaned, holding the plastic cup filled with water against Jeongin's lips. Who refused to consume the drink. He just wanted to continue to lay against the warm chest embracing him ever so lightly, so that he wouldn't have to think about anything else than the great comfort he was receiving from Chan.

But he never received the great comfort he wanted. He was hold in a tight grib, a cup to his lips that contained water..perhaps something else he didn't know of. Chan was being tough, and Jeongin despised it. He could feel the unwanted energy lingering heavily upon the atmosphere, a shiver running down his spine.

"C-can't" he whimpered, his lips pursing together as he sighed.

He couldn't, he just couldn't.

His stomach churned at the thought of drinking the cup of water. He felt like a burden, whimpering in Chan's tight hold, the cup being placed against his lips.

"I can't..I-i'm sorry" he cried, hitting the cup out of Chan's hands, spilling the water everywhere.

He felt like a little kid. Picking at the dinner he didn't want. He remembered how picky he was when he was a child, how much he used to despise his parents cooking when he was 7 years old, he remembered never taking bites of it, only to make Ramen later in the evening. But of course his mindset had changed over the years..his parents were patient with his appetite and made sure to slowly approach new and unfamiliar food to him, rather than forcing it upon him. But now, he felt like he was 7 years old again, complaining over dinner cutting as pushing food aside with his fork.

But he wasn't home, he wasn't having dinner. He only got bread and water, something nobody could genuinely dislike. Everybody could eat bread, everybody could drink water. But right now he didn't have the guts too, he felt nauseous and pain pulsing through his veins. He just wanted Chan to shut up and hug him, he wanted the man to comfort him..to tell him he was going to be okay in their embracements, that he had them to keep him safe.

He wanted to hear those words. Even if they weren't true nor genuine.

He wanted the comforting lie, instead of the harsh truth.

And who wouldn't want that? To be comforted by a lie, instead of being exposed by the harsh truth..nobody wanted to realize reality. The reality of life was merciless. Taking innocence away from the most precious people, when they never deserved it. That was Jeongin's case. Just what did he do to deserve this? What did he do to crave after the men and want their manipulative lies, instead of the gruesome truth? Why did he want to feel comforted by the fake surrealism? Instead of harsh reality? Why, just why, did he have to be a victim of all of this? What did he do wrong, wasn't he just normal like everyone else?

The answer was no.

He wasn't normal. No one is. It is abnormal to be normal, and normal to be abnormal.

Yet he felt like he was nowhere in between. He was just a goner, he doubted he was even genuinely alive at this point. Was his soul just wandering around and imagining things. Was this a dream? He doubted everything. Was that why he just wanted to comforting lies? So he didn't have to face his doubts and confusion, his own self-interrogation?

That's funny.

And pathetic.

"It's fine" the man huffed out. Throwing the cup at the wall, the boy flinching at the loud noise. His head hitting Chan's chin. "I'll fucking murder you one day" he bit his cheek, his hands closing in on his waist.

"S-sorry.." he whispered. "B-but don't leave me..I need you...".

Rock bottom.

Fucking rock bottom at it's best. He hit it, the doors closed. He went back into the usual headspace, craving the men more than anything else.

"You need me? You didn't need me the day you called me a bitch..hm?".

"I-i didn't mean it..I was a-an idiot..y-you didn't d-deserve it..I'm sorry..mh- I'm bad boy".

"I don't think I can forgive you for that" Chan smirked, huffing as he lifted the boy, throwing him onto Seungmin's bed, startling the boy feeling incredibly unsafe on the new cushion beneath him.

The same cushion it happened. He didn't want to be on this bed. It brought the memories back.

That day would remain a nightmare.

"I don't like this bed" he whimpered, supporting himself on his elbows. But he was pushed back down by Chan hovering above him.

"That's why I put you here..don't you think it's time to face it? You can't continue to play the victim..it was about time you helped Seungmin, he was so happy about being able to have you for once..isn't his happiness important? He wouldn't shut up about you? And you just treated us badly..that hurt us, he even considered staying quiet again..you don't want to wish such horrible upon us do you?" Chan spoke, his hand cupping Jeongin's cheeks. Trailing his fingers across his small, bony face.

He felt bad for hurting them. He didn't ever want that. He was just upset..but was Chan right? Did he really play the victim? Was this really not that big of a deal?

It felt like a bad deal. But he also knew his emotions just destroyed everything around him. So he concluded Chan had to be right..he should stop crying about it. He should just suck it up.

But that was easier to say than done.

"S-sorry" he whimpered, his legs tangling around Chan's torso, bringing the man closer to him. Wanting to be held badly, he wanted hugs and cuddles. He craved them so badly. "I really am..i-i've been bad..please forgive me".

"Do you swear to never call me such names again? To respect both me and Seungmin? To not fight when we are doing what's best for you?..do you promise?" Chan growled out, holding out his pinky finger with a glare.

Jeongin was taken aback. Shocked he didn't have to let Chan cut his flesh open for him to be forgiven, and instead just wrap his little pinky, around Chan's.

"I..promise" he nodded, letting Chan tie their pinkies together, locking up their promise safely.

Now the true question was.

Was he able to keep the promise they sealed?
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I feel like this chapter is a bit all over the place. But I'm getting used to using my new phone to write on :).

Also, my sleep schedule isn't the best right now. It is currently 7:22 am and I haven't slept at all. I have to go to the mall with my mom since I got a gift card for Christmas :D.

Did you have a good Christmas?