Rudra-Nandani

49 ~ Rudra Only Wants Nandani

"I have already given up my hope of survival for you, Rudra. I have already changed the meaning of my life, I have already left the purpose of my life, my parents for you, Rudra. The day I entered your room knowing that you are the son of our enemies, I betrayed my parents,"

She said looking into my eyes. Her voice was slow, trembling and true enough that it sent a chill down my spine. I abruptly lowered my gaze and took my fingers close to her hand. Her hand was half my size, her wrist was full of bangles, and her slender fingers were looking pale and trembling. 

My heartbeats were slowing down with each passing moment.

I did not know what to say now. I did not know what I wanted now. I did not know what was happening, what I needed to expect now, or what I wanted.

"Hume sirf aap chahiye, Nandani, bas aap or kuch nahi,"

"I only want you, Nandani, only you nothing else,"

I said in a slow voice and brought her hand close to my lips. With trembling lips, I gently kissed the back of her hand and closed my eyes for a moment. I let the touch of her skin, her fragrance, and her energy wash over all my doubts of me and send a sense of peace inside my body.

"Hum to aapke hi hai, Rudra,"

"I am all yours, Rudra,"

She said and I opened my eyes to look at her. She blinked looking back at me and said in a slow and painful voice.

"Bass esa kuch na kare jo hume ek jinda laash bana de,"

"But do not do anything that will make me a living corpse,"

I shook my head lightly and saw her closing her eyes. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks and she silently leaned in closer to place her head on my chest.

I closed my eyes as I instantly felt a wave of peace travelling down in me burning down my inner turmoil. The feeling of ecstasy hit me while the fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.

Love had always been the feeling that I hated the most in my life. It was the foremost thing that I hated as it made my mother suffer. She was happy until this feeling hit her and the irony was that love was not happiness, love was not pain either. It is the medicine and the wound itself. It is that sword that rips you apart and still a single drop of blood would not come out of your body. It is something that ends you bit by bit and still, you hit salvation.

I hated this love the most. It makes us weak, it distracts us, it conquers us, it changes us, it destroys us.

But, if she was love, she was that weakness, she was that distraction, she was the conqueror, she was the change, she was the destroyer, then for me, love was beautiful, love was euphoric, love was peace, love was bliss, love was that shine in the night, love was that spark that tells that you are alive, love was that fire, love was the flame that burns you. Love was something that was keeping every bit of me together from falling apart, from destroying myself from burning my own soul.

Now, I might understand what my mother must have felt when she fell in love with my father. Looking at her, I could see how much she had sacrificed for him, how much she put at stake for him, and how much she cared for him.

And, I was not my father, I was not the same man who I hated the most. I could not be that man who could not answer her love with my love.

I could never be that one who would do something that would destroy her like my father destroyed my mother.

Never.

I inhaled a deep breath.

She was right I had to make a decision. I had to put things right.