The Crystal Mines

46 Nik

I knew why I had gotten volunteered to speak to Callion. We had a connection thanks to the prison. Though, only Ameer and Faolan knew about us being mated. I planned to keep it that way for now. Especially since learning that Ameer may be a mate too. I shook my head and focused on the task at hand. I had to speak to him about saving Dath. That was all.

I walked slowly to the front of the library, taking as long as I possibly could. I knew I was stalling. I dreaded speaking to him. Knowing he had felt the kiss Ameer and I shared a couple weeks ago. We hadn't tried kissing again, afraid of hurting him. Callion avoided me at all costs, even at dinners when we would all eat together. When we trained after lunch, he stayed by the king's guards teaching them new techniques. Occasionally he'd catch me watching him, then make a harder attempt at keeping a distance.

Sighing, I approached the area I knew he was sitting in. A large alcove near the front of the library, stuffed with couches. The place was littered in books. Some open, some tossed aside. Others, stack neatly, as if he hadn't gone through them just yet. I was suddenly nervous. He tensed when I came near but kept writing in his notebook. I sat next to him, the only open spot on all of the couches. Curiously, I read some of the titles. Some spoke about the nature of bonds, breaking ties, question about connections. What was he researching? I peeked over his shoulder, and he snapped the book shut. Which was not smart on his part. The cover read, "Mating bonds: Rejected. Chosen. Broken." My heart pounded, taking on a life of its own.

"What do you want, Nik?" Callion asked angrily.

I ignored him, placing a hand on the book and dragging it to me. He sucked in a breath as my arm brushed his. "Why are you reading this?" I breathed.

"Just tell me what you want."

I looked at him. Really looked at him. His crystal blue eyes swam with emotions I couldn't begin to understand. I let me search him, his body taught at every joint. A hint of feeling passed between us, and he winched, knowing it had slipped through. Gods. He was hurt. I didn't think it was possible for such a strong person to feel something so acutely.

"Callion," I began.

"Don't. Just don't," he said and began cleaning up his rather large mess.

"Why are you searching mating bonds?" I pushed.

He stopped and turned to me, our knees touching. To which we both looked. His masked features broke for a second while he was staring at the spot our bodies linked.

"Because I can't do this forever," he gave in, meeting my eyes, showing me much of himself for once. I jerked away, uncomfortable at his intensity. "I can't stand in the way while you and Ameer–" He cleared his throat.

I touched his leg, not being able to help myself. His face contorted in something like pain. "Callion. Nothing happened."

"Bullshit!" He shoved my hand off. "You can't tell me that what I felt, what I saw, was nothing."

I fought back tears. Not knowing how to handle the situation. "Saw?"

"Yes, Nik. Saw," he spit out at me. I didn't miss that he didn't remove the knee touching mine. "Our mating bond lit up and I couldn't figure out what the Hells was happening. Only to realize that you could only be with him, feeling all those things, doing Gods knows what." He shook his head, a forced laugh coming through.

The kiss. That's what he saw and felt with our kiss. "Callion, it was just a kiss," I tried to explain.

"You don't get it! I am your mate. I am in the way of the person you love, and I can't live this way, feeling you, with him."

I grew angry. How dare he try to self-sabotage again. It seemed to be a trait he possessed. He tried it in the prison too. "You do not understand. I am mated to you both. I am hurt and confused and just trying to figure things out. Ameer and I never got a chance to explore anything. I was captured before then. Betrayed by Alden, as you know."

Hot, hateful tears streamed down my face. His eyes tracked them, and he clenched his jaw, pissed. "I'm trying to give you that chance. Why won't you let me?"

"Because. You keep trying to throw yourself to the side, put others first. Why do you do that?"

"It is a choice, Nik. As you said."

I covered my mouth, choking on my own words thrown back at me. I had said them to Mohan, just a few weeks ago.

"Nik," Callion tried to backtrack after seeing my reaction.

"It's ok. You're right." I wiped my face. "Let me know if you need any help researching."

I stood, breaking our contact at last. Remembering why I had come in the first place. I turned back to him. "Emyr told me to come ask if you and Jakota could help us while we wake Dath tonight. We found that he made a bargain with Erix, and we need to learn which kind so we can break it."

Callion recovered quickly. "We will be there. Just send word."