Y O U N G ~ R O Y A L S || ONESHOT BOOK || 1 || [Finished/Abgeschlossen]

Dear Simon..

POV WILLE

Dear Simon,
I can't describe how sorry I am.
If I hadn't been trying to contact you all this time, this probably wouldn't have happened at all.
Since you left, four years ago, I have been writing you endless letters. I don't know if you read them or if you can see them somehow while sitting next to me.
And I know for sure that you do:)!
I can not sleep properly..everything goes through my head again.
And again and again you said, it is not because of you will!

Who else should it have been? Who else should have done this big damage to your heart?
You wouldn't let me get close to you...so I thought it would get better if I left you alone....
Then I got a call.

If you were standing in front of me right now I would ask you hardcore how you came up with this crappy idea!
You were a fighter and I know you would have made it.
But I realized that it must have been something that I know nothing about.

So much time has passed that I don't want to evaluate the whole thing or compare it with anything.
But again and again there is a thought. An idea what could have happened.
I ask myself so many questions.
Are you happy now? Do you feel better? ..

At the risk of sounding insulting, my mother now has a different perspective on everything.
Now she understands that it's not just a phase.
And it hurts that she realized it after someone died.
You were and still are the most important person for me.

You know? I often go to your mother and sister.
Ayub and Rosh call me regularly and ask how I am.
But I don't answer them anymore. Instead, I ask them how they are.
And I don't get an answer either.
It has been so long, but it is as if it was yesterday.

It sounds strange but I don't want to lose faith in it.
So please, if you are reading this and Erik is around, tell him that I found the book he wrote for me all these years.

And you Simon.
I love you more than anything. And that will never change!

With love, your Wille♡

I fold up the letter. I put it in an envelope and dress warmly. It is autumn. Every month I write Simon a letter.

Alone, in peace, I drive to Bjärstad to the cemetery.
I place the letter there.
Close my eyes and breathe deeply. Tears run down my cheeks and I can't stop them.
Suddenly I feel two strong arms embracing me from the side.
I smell something familiar.
Something from Simon's house. Linda...
I want to open my eyes, but I cannot.

,,I read every letter you write. I sit next to you on your desk and let my legs hang down like I used to do out of boredom. I see you crying, day and night. I hug you, even though I know you don't feel it. Yes, I am happy, but only when I am not looking down at the earth. Only when I see you laughing and know that you are too. I feel better. But leaving you alone hurts me. I can feel it. You have to get out of yourself!!! You have to take the strength and use it!!! Do you think I'm stupid? Felice offered to be a surrogate mother and help you but you refused. Because I'm not here anymore. And if you really want to do what I want you to do, then it is to accept the offer and show all of Sweden where to go. And no matter how this may sound, but I didn't expect it any other way from your mother. You are so pretty and I regret depriving myself of the chance to lie next to you in the morning and yet kiss you. To cuddle with you and spend my life. If you really want to know who it was, you don't have to look far. Think back to Lucia in our first year.... I love you Wille"

The touch is gone. I open my eyes and look around.
The letter has disappeared. ,,Simon...where are you?" I ask into the cold air, seeing my own breath in it.
I turn around in panic. Again and again, until I realize that I am alone.
My eyes filled with tears, I look at the gravestone.
,,I will kill your father. Believe me. He will suffer for this!" I whisper and walk straight to my car.
I know who did it and he will tell me everything. Whether he wants to or not!

Simon...I love you too.