Un•A•Were

20| Secret Protector

Amanda's POV:

The initial shock of Bryan's words filled me with so many emotions. It took most of the summer to sort through them. I used writing and music as a method to harness them all. On one hand, I was angry at the fact that Bryan took my father's life. This emotion stayed at the forefront of my mind for weeks, maybe even months. However, as I started to write, questions began invading my mind about the entire circumstances: Why was my father running through the woods at night? Why was 10-year-old Bryan running patrol at night? Armed with a weapon? What kind of community do we live in? Why didn't my mother tell me about all of this? Why can't I remember that night? I wonder what he's doing now? The last question pulls me out of my head and pangs at my heart. God, I miss him. It's the truth in its rawest form, but I don't know what to do with the information I've been given. Should I hate Bryan? Was he a victim, too? Was he simply in the wrong place at the wrong time? Am I being overly sensitive? So many questions and not enough answers.

When I'm not over analyzing my situation, I decide to immerse myself in reading and writing. It is my escape, it is my passion, and it has become my end goal. I have decided to become a writer. I channel my life, emotions, and experiences into my writing. I guess we will see where that takes me.

Throughout my college career, I made a few friends, but mostly kept to myself. I never went back to Hillcrest because I was scared. I was scared to face Bryan after he confessed what he did. I talk to Sam and Luke constantly. They are my lifeline. I also talk to my mother each week, but she seems to be Team Bryan and asks a ton of questions. She also asks when I'm coming home. I don't have the heart to tell her never or why.

So, the days fly by and I continue to keep my head down and nose in a book. It's a simple existence, but something within me has already started to stir. Is there a bigger purpose for my life? What does the future hold for me? So many questions. So many unknowns.

As my junior year rolls around, I begin to notice strange occurrences. Honestly, I had noticed them since I arrived at school, but refused to consider their meaning. I would smell certain scents, get the feeling of being watched, but I never felt scared. In fact, it was just the opposite. I felt protected and watched over. It was always a face in the crowd at my swim meets, a quick glance and then, it was gone. It felt as though my mind and heart were playing tricks on me because my thoughts always drifted back to Bryan. For the most part, these were common occurrences, except for one time. My mind drifts back to that night.

My roommate, Janine, and I decided to check out this new club in town. Although neither of us were 21, we've heard they would serve if you're within 6 months. We dressed up and headed to the bar. Janine drove as she was going home in the morning and didn't have plans to drink that much.

Since I don't normally let loose, I decided tonight would be the perfect night to just let all of it go. The worries, the fears, the memories, all of it. We walked in and beelined it straight for the bar. The music was thumping and you could feel the vibrations in your bones. It's crowded and full of life. Janine and I waited for the bartender to come over, a sexy-looking blonde with far too much skin showing and her make-up was caked on her face. We placed our order when Janine's boyfriend, Steven, came over to greet us.

"It's about time ladies! Don't y'all look sexy as hell! Especially my girl!" he shouts above the music.

"Yeah, she does!" I confirm as I suck down my cranberry vodka.

"Oh, will you both cut it out! If anyone has looks to kill here, it's you, Amanda!" she proclaims, sipping her vodka tonic.

"Oh whatever! I already need another drink to tolerate this place. But, who knows, maybe I'll at least find someone to dance with." as I turn back to the bar to order another drink. It isn't long before the alcohol starts to work and I'm ready to dance. We wait for the right song. Janine, Steven, and I make our way to the dance floor.