Un•A•Were

17| Graduation

We meet up with our friends and families, swapping high fives and celebratory shouts. Alpha Xavier and Luna Rachel walk over to give us all hugs and congratulations. I see the love he has for all of us, but especially Amanda and her mom, Amelia. Amelia gives him a nod of understanding which completely bypasses Amanda.

We make plans to head to the pack house and celebrate. I welcome the distraction and try very hard to mask that anything is wrong. We sit around the bonfire, swapping memories and telling stories.

The party is fun, but the hard conversation coming soon weighs heavy on my mind. I take Amanda home after the party. Before she goes inside, I pull her close and give her a tender kiss. She smiles at me and then enters her house.

Tomorrow, her world changes. She will pack for college and know the truth about her father. Needless to say, this will be another sleepless night.

The next day, I return to her house to help her pack her Jeep with everything she will need while away at school. I'm silent most of the day and I can tell Amanda knows something is wrong. I assume she thinks it's because she's leaving as many of her comments are about visiting and coming home during breaks.

"Done!" she exclaims. "That wasn't so bad." She turns to look at me. I just smile and nod. "Bryan, what's wrong? You've been off all day and I'm starting to think it's less about me leaving and more to do with something else." Hammer meet nail!

"Let's go for a walk," I suggest. She nods in agreement. We take a path near her mom's house and slowly make our was into the woods. We find a little clearing and we sit down on the cool, green grass. There is a silent lull before I begin my story. "Ten years ago, I was participating in a junior patrol league. Basically, it was a group of young boys learning to fight, learning to scan and track the land, and learning to protect our community. Our community, as you know, is very close-knit and we all look out for one another. Most nights, nothing happened and it was honestly pretty boring. My parents thought it would be good training for my future, so they made me stick with it. However, one night, while patrolling with a group of adults, there was an incident." I pause in my story to gather my fading strength.

"What happened, Bryan?" the sound of her concern for me riddled her question.

"Intruders had entered our community and threatened the safety of those that lived here. Normally, the Junior patrols would be unarmed, but they had been teaching us how to use knives in case we were ever attacked by larger wol—-people." I clear my throat to cover up my almost slip up. "A man, a frantic man, came screaming through the woods and he was racing toward me. Out of panic or instinct, I pulled out my knife, so when he rushed me, the knife entered his abdomen. He died. I killed this man." I stop to gather my thoughts. The memory replaying over and over again in my head.

"Oh god, Bryan, I'm so sorry! You were just a kid I'm sure it was an accid—-"

"It was your dad, Mandy!" I cut her off and shout out my confession. "I killed your dad that night." I whisper with my head hung low. She just stares at me, her eyes moving from side to side until all of the pieces fall into place. Her face pales and she covers her mouth with her hand as she continues to process my words. She lowers her hand as her expression changes into something I can't quite read.

"You? You....killed my dad?" I don't have the heart to respond again so I just nod my head. She stares at me for a long time while her brain still processes my words. I notice the once clear sky is starting to fill with dark clouds. Without a word, she stands up and begins to walk away. Frantic, I race after her, but she turns to stop me. "NO! YOU DON'T GET TO FOLLOW ME! EVER! How could you, Bryan?! Do you know how hard it was growing up without a father? Do you know how much my mother had to bust her ass to provide for the two of us? Do you know how hard it was to hear her cry herself to sleep? Knowing that I, her daughter could do nothing about it!" she rattled off question after question, stalking towards me with her finger in my chest and thunder rolling overhead. I slowly back away in surrender. I have no response to her questions. "And how did I fit into all of this? Was I some weird remorse game? A girl to pity or feel sad for? Is this why everyone ignored me year after year after year? Does everyone here know what you did?" I can see the anger and sadness fill her eyes to the brim. I still don't speak. "And here I was thinking that I was falling in love you! Making future plans!" the tears stream down her face and rain drops begin to fall. She's falling in love with me? Her words break me. I reach out to touch her face. "NO! Don't you dare touch me! I can't believe I was just some pawn in your game. I'm leaving. Don't follow me. Goodbye Bryan!" she wipes her face of the tears and runs back to her house. I stand there in the rain watching her walk out of my life. I can do nothing, but let her leave. I hang my head in shame.

I finally fall to my knees and do the only thing I know to do. Pray. Pray to the Moon Goddess for guidance, wisdom, and strength to be patient. Pray for her to watch over my mate. Pray for the happy ending I know may never be possible.

As the rain drops fall over me, I knew only one thing to be true. I was in love with her and I would never stop protecting her, even if she never forgave me and never wanted to see me again. I love you, Mandy. Mind, body, and soul. I feel Max's sadness along with mine own. I stay there, broken and hallow, for hours. I can't bring myself to leave. She's my life. The other half of my soul. I need her. I can only hope, in time, she will realize she needs me, too.