Spellbound, Boundless Series, Book 4

Ch. 30

My sessions with Valerie should have been over, but I sat on her couch, telling her my woes from the last two weeks. I was sure Lana would come back to me, wanting more. Had I not given her what she needed? Was I not dominant enough? Too domineering?

"It seems to me, Brady, that Lana's objective was achieved. And by the same token, so was yours." She sat in her armchair and I had returned to sitting on the couch, leaning in to listen, argue, or concede.

"How?" I shrugged. My hands remained in the air, grasping for an expanded answer.

"Well, you needed someone to make you feel again. Lana was the vessel—for lack of a better term—to help you accomplish it."

"I felt before Lana."

"What you felt was anger and a need for retribution. Before Lana, you hadn't fallen for another woman." Once again, Valerie was reaffirming that my love for Perla hadn't been real.

I shoved a hand through my hair, tugging at the root to actually feel pain in a place other than my heart. "It doesn't really matter, does it? I'm back to where I was before."

She leaned in, resting her chin on her fist. "How so?"

"I'm alone." I shrugged.

Valerie tilted her head. "You have the power to change that."

"How? I'm not supposed to plan out my life to the finite details because that's unnatural, so how am I supposed to find someone? My equal—a companion and my biggest supporter, who will be my wife and the mother of our children? The thought that Matt has all of that, and Zipper is on his way to the same, makes me feel... I don't know—"

"Losing?"

I nodded. "Losing. I'm not the first. I may be the last. My brain isn't wired to compete and not win."

"Why are you competing with them?"

"It's what we've always done. We set goals to one-up each other. It's always been Matt and me fighting for first. He wins. All the damn time."

"How does he win?"

"He always got better grades without even trying. Do you know how smart he is? He has an eidetic memory, reads something once and it sticks in his brain for years. He was always better at the figures, while I was best at the execution and taking risks. It was a game for us, and we'd make every attempt to win. He'd get the most girls. I'd try to get more than him. And I had to find the perfect wife. The perfect wife that he took from me. I set him up perfectly to win the match. Now it seems I can't even set up the game board anymore." I was breathless.

My pulse had quickened. A sore neck alerted me to the tension I carried. Until my foot went numb, I hadn't realized I was gripping my leg, which rested on my knee. My knuckles had gone white and I splayed my fingers to get the blood circulating again.

She folded her arms and tipped her head. Her lips were pursed before she asked, "Brady, is Lana just another game piece? Do you want her as badly as you did Perla because she's another one of Matt's successes? He helped her with a scholarship. He gave her a job at Pentagram."

I shook my head. "I didn't know all of that at the time. I was drawn to her before then."

"But now that you know, and since you've been seeing the Keenes more regularly in recent months, is Lana just a way to..." She shrugged and flailed her arms. "Claim her as your prize and dangle her in their faces like a little boy who's won all the marbles?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "You're dating yourself, Valerie," I said, and she chuckled. "I never thought about it that way."

"How did you think of your pursuit?"

"Lana's a woman who is as passionate about the business of hospitality as I am. A beautiful woman who works hard, rides a motorcycle, and has tattoos. One who's so smart, but doesn't truly understand her own potential. She's gifted. I've seen her with guests at our events, and she is giving and kind without expecting anything more. I just don't know enough about her—and I need to know more. But I'm trying my hardest not to resort to past behaviors."

"So no PIs?"

I bit my lower lip and shook my head. "No investigators."

"No searching HR records for her history?"

I stared into her eyes. "Nope."

"No internet searches for any pics, friends, family, or the like."

The questions felt like an interrogation, and I suppressed the rising heat of anger. "Nothing, Valerie. I'm respecting her right to privacy, even if it's killing me."

She tilted her head, folding her arms. "So what have you done since your encounter with her?"

"Work."

"We've talked about balancing your work and personal life—"

"That's not something I know how to do."

"You've been in this pseudo-competition with Matt, so how does he handle it?"

I paused. "His wife took over his end of the business."

"Yes, but at the end of the day, when the clock strikes five or six or even seven, what do you think happens with them?"

"They spend the rest of their time together." She nodded. "They travel to their new Caribbean home with their son."

She nodded. "It's about the time spent with one another," she said. "They've reprioritized their lives to include each other, and now their baby."

"But I don't have a special person. I thought it could be Lana, but I'm clearly not what she wants."

With the stylus, she tapped on the screen of her tablet. "Then you'll just have to find someone else." She said firmly.

Unclear as to how I could find someone else, I frowned. "How? I'm not good with that."

"Heck, Brady, neither am I. No one is. It takes hard work. I've been with my partner for thirty years, but I do know that things get easier with practice and determination."

I rubbed my eyes, feeling some relief. "Fine. I'll put myself out there."

"But this is the deal, Brady, you are not to go into this thinking you're competing with Matt or Zipper—or even Kent and Lark. You go into this because you want to find a companion who will be there for you as those men have found theirs. Love isn't a contact sport for points. Every day is a personal challenge. You just have to find a woman who's willing to play with you."

It was about time that I found a woman who would give me what I desperately needed, and if Lana wasn't it, then I had to choose more wisely.