My Magical Waifu

Chapter one

CHAPTER 1

Lord Farquaad POV

It is yet another pleasant evening in my palace. The wind brushes my crusty luscious hair strands as I take an elegant sip of bean sauce and gravy from my vomit green mug, reading "#betterthanyou" along the side, because I am #betterthanyou.

I am so sick of being alone in this mahoosive palace of mine #singleandtotallyhusbandmaterial, so I decide to take a visit to my magic mirror that I totes didn't steal. I gallop gracefully like my incredible white horse, and strut into the room, kapooting the door open as I do so. I clear my throat attractively cause my asthma is being so sexy today UwU, and strip the mirror of its sheet.

"Mirror mirror on the wall," I bellow. "Who’s the hottest of them all?"
I watch as the mirror wakes up, totally aroused by my voice. Its face shifts into being, and in a silly willy smegsy wegsy goofy ahh ass voice, he speaks.
"Whatchu wan' my brudda?"
Taken aback, I repeat.
"Who's the hottest of them all"
"Uhh i dunno bro, probs like, your mum." He follows this remark with a goofy ahh giggle.
I certainly expected the mirror to be a tad more sophisticated and respectful, but he's a talking mirror and I don't know how they usually show attraction towards a sexy man such as myself. I clear my throat royally, and ask fitly.
"Show me my future wife."
"Got u fam."
The mirror then shows a bunch of anime mommies that I consider my waifus.
"Not that one, Not that one, Not that one, Not tha-- WAIWOAHWAIT HOLD ON"
The mirror pauses and looks at me, confused.
"This Bitch?"
"NononoNo not Twilight Sparkle Sama, the one before!"
"Wait, Dracella?" He replies, taken aback.
"Yes, her!"
"That's a him-" I cut him off elegantly.
"SHE SHALL BE MY WIFE."
"What about Fiona-"
"Fuck that bitch, that dusty green ogre can have her." I then march out of the room abruptly, leaving the mirror stunned. As I turn swiftly around the corner, I hear the mirror faintly behind me.
"Fag."

I swagger elegantly into my massive fat expensive meeting room which we also use as a research room when I have the energy to do research (which is like, never), ready to stalk my new future wife.