the sanctum

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2012

I was home alone sitting on floor with my spider man plushy on my lap, while I was playing board games with a group of friends; parents had yet to come back home from their job as I was spending time playing,

"I have my eyes set on the prize." My friend said,

"I'd like to see you try, you're pretty far behind me." my other friend said,

"has anyone ever told you how annoying you guys are, back off, I'm about to win." My yet other other friend said,

"we'll see."

I rolled the dice as it was my turn and continued the game, it kept on going until I looked at the clock hanging on wall, another 1 hour until parents come back and I was getting bored from this game,

"go away now, I don't want to play with you anymore." I said as my group of imaginary friend disappeared infront of my eyes,

I laid on floor signing and hugging my plushy tighter. What now?

I kept staring at ceiling as it became very interesting all of a sudden,

"hey god, why didn't you give me a twin or something, we could play all day..." I complained looking up, "...on my next birthday give me a sibling, I want an older brother....make him spider man. If I get to be spider man's baby sister I won't ask for anything else ever again. Pinky promise." My voice echoed in the empty house as I was waiting for some kind of response. I didn't get any of course.

I got up from floor thinking of what to do next, door was locked from outside so I couldn't go outside of house and swing either. I kept pacing around the small room thinking on what to do until my eyes landed on TV.

Obviously.

I turned on the TV and opened a case where I kept all my DVDs of movies, I had many of them, and I mean many of them. It didn't take long for me to decide which movie to watch, or should I say rewatch for hundredth of time,

I put the DVD of Krish in the player and hit the play button,

'Hritik Roshan hehe'

.

Bittersweet memories of childhood right? children somehow always manages to find something interesting even in a plain field of most boring days, but what I find interesting is how I was more mentally sane in my naïve childhood days than my almost adult days.

Was I capable of taking care of myself at that time? No. am I capable of taking care of myself now? No. But if I were to carry on living with my ability to find good in any situation, it would be helpful and I would be a far better person.

I needed that at this very moment sitting inside this car, outside this building which held my only hope of survival.

Survival because I cannot live with this insanity building inside me, and if this works I could be normal again.

The street wasn't exactly crowded but there were many people which made me worry, I had to be careful. I was passing time by watching these people walk around, going about their day in their normal life, completely unaware of the danger that was written in their future, a life I was craving to live again.

Even inside this car I wasn't alone, Mr. Stark was with me, he was at the front while I was hiding at the backseat, arms crossed around my stomach and clenching my hoodie as always, peeking outside the glass like a curious cat.

Mr. Stark was on edge, he wasn't very kin of me going outside the stark tower but I somehow convinced him and others.

"so what does this lady do? Blow up balloons for children's birthday party?" I heard him ask.

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