"Lovers Or Killers" Vol-One

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

            "About the truth"

I slept for only two hours and I started thinking. I can't express what I feel.

Everything inside me was burning, everyone had their problems and solutions. But they never understand that they are involving other people and order the other people to follow their decisions without asking for their consent.

I am tired of becoming a toy of a family.
I also wanted to live a good life, but sometimes parents make mistakes and the children should pay for it. My childhood was horrible and full of nightmares and my adulthood, it's full of strangeness and weirdness. Someone tried to kill me on the other side, someone tried to save me.

But now I was tired, fed up with my life I just wanted to finish my twelfth studies because the eleventh was not finished yet but soon the final will takes place only one year was left that I had to spend with strangers, we call them family, but they are strangers for me who wanted to get rid of me. I was a problem for my mother and others. If I do good to someone it's harmful. 

I said I was happy but I was not because everyone knows I am from another man.

They looked at my face and lied to me about my father. But they never speak the truth.

Today I felt like my mother wouldn't say it for a full lifetime. but she got tired of me just because she wanted to throw me out.

She never thinks of me one time either. How do those people treat me when I am alone? Who will stroke my hair? Who will look after me when I feel sick? She never asked these questions herself. She throws me like trash, it's good if she throws me in the trash when my father runs. And now she considered me a "BIG SIN" of her life.

I was lying on a bed and rolling from one side to another. The bed was pretty good and comfortable, and then I got up from the bed and moved to the window. It was good when I moved to the bed and anyhow the night passed.

At 5: 30 AM there was a knock on the door. I opened the door, my cousin said everyone was waiting for me to pray a "Namaz" then I took a bath in cold water because there was no time and I smelled bad because of yesterday's walk.

Then I brushed my teeth and washed my face and performed ablution. And moved to pray a "Namaz"

After I prayed Namaz, I recited the "Quran" also which gave my soul peace. Then I helped my grandmother's daughter-in-law to table the breakfast on the floor.

I placed a red cloth on the ground which was called (Dastarkhwan) then I kept dishes on the red cloth and everyone sat on the ground to eat breakfast I loved the tradition.

Then I moved to school and I thought to take my studies seriously I wanted to become something because I can't be a burden anymore. My mother also thought that I am a burden, it hurts when your mother calls you sinful and reveals that you are trash.

And everything around me was changed. I felt like I should have been an orphan. My mother bears violence because of my presence.

Everyone at the school and home called me a stone-hearted person, a stone-hearted tried to make my heart soft and that hurt me. After school, I went to the coast of the river and sat there for a while, because it helped me a lot.

I felt low and my stress disappear due to the lovely voice of the river which gave me the motivation that 
                       "Water came and hit the coast but it never stopped hitting the coast, again and again, coming back and fighting. I love the passion for water and the stubbornness of the coast because it's never moved how much water hits it. I love both the coast and the water pair"

Then I moved to the house, I freshened up my face and moved to my grandmother's room but I couldn't get a chance to ask my grandmother because she was sleeping and every minute there was a knock on the door.

So I thought to wait for some time and went to my room and started the preparation for my eleventh final exams. I was good at my grandparents' house but I missed my mother and Nora so much.

After that my mother called me on my grandmother's phone, I talked to her on the phone and she said they are happy and Nora missed me so much. Then I interrupted the call because I couldn't talk to my mother.

Then I ate dinner and went to bed. I was rolling on the bed and also I was crying because in this house no one spoke with me they stared at me and by staring they made me feel like I am a burden to them, they are waiting for me to leave. Even though my house is small, I loved it at least I call it mine but now for me, there is no home for me it's awful.

There was a knock on the door, I opened the door and grandmother entered the room it was dark in the room she said to me to on the light of the room. As I was on the light she looked at my face and asked 

Why are you in tears at this time? asked grandmother, 

I, I am not crying, (by hesitatingly)

Oh! Don't play games girl, I know you very well said, grandmother

Who is my father? Where does he live now? Why did he leave us? I asked abruptly, 

You girl, come on!  Get out of my house. How dare you take your father's name said, grandmother