Mary J Blige gave another speech once my six minute montage was over so that I could get changed into my acceptance outfit. I originally planned to accept the award in my red carpet look but David persisted that I have a designer make me a dress for the evening so I went with Dolce & Gabbana.
"KIMORA for the Lifetime Achievement Award."
Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as I stand in the center of the stage as the audience gives me a standing ovation. I never really take these moments into account so it feels almost surreal to be standing here with my head held high.
It's' not uncommon for me to receive a standing ovation but it's different this time around as the man that I am so in love with is here to witness it. After I tragically lost my parents and Michael, winning awards meant nothing to me as I no longer had anyone to share the moment with.
"Thank you." I mouth as a lone tear falls from my eye and I laugh a little while wiping my tear away with my index finger.
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"You deserve this moment." Mary tells me as we share a sweet embrace. "Congratulations old friend."
"Thank you." I give her hands a squeeze. "Your time is coming soon."
Mary winks at me before stepping to the side as I am handed my award and I feel a range of emotions once the award is in my hands. Some awards mean more than other and this one definitely hits the spot as it's a reflection of my culture.
A reminder of my late father.
"I truly have no words." I softly say as I look up to face the audience. "I thought that I would come up here with words spilling out my mouth but it's the exact opposite. What I can say is that this award truly means more than you'll ever know."
The audience clap as I pause to look down at the award.
"I was and still am a very lucky woman who has been blessed with the most... amazing career. Not many people get to say that they met the king of pop at the age of twelve years old." I stop as everyone starts cheering which makes me laugh. "I never could have predicted my life turning out this way so for that, I present this award to Michael Jackson who was the most amazing that I have ever known."
Hearing the audience applaud has me wanting to break down in tears because I wish that Michael was here in person.
"Michael helped shaped me into the person that I am today and I know that people often misunderstood our relationship but I can assure you that there was nothing romantic. He was my mentor and my bestfriend." My voice cracks. "He taught me what it meant to be the hardest working person in the room but the people who kept me grounded were my parents. They supported me throughout my music journey and left their lives around to follow me around the world. I had my moments when I would get annoyed at them for always being with me but looking back at it, I'm so grateful that they were because the industry is no place for a child."
Everyone reacts to my words.
"Children and women need to be better protected in this male dominated industry." I state and many people stand to their feet. "This award is a symbolism of how far we have come, no matter our journey and that age doesn't defy talent. I am forty two years old and I am not leaving anytime soon."
Hearing everyone applaud and cheer makes me smile.
"I would like to thank my partner, David Gandy for being my reason for returning to music." I smile as the cameras turn to face David who blows me a kiss. "Meeting David was me being given a second chance at life and love which is something that I had yearned for. I was so lost in the industry that when I lost my parents and Michael, the idea of love became lost with them and I felt nothing. Now I'm reborn."
I mouth the words thank you to the camera before blowing everyone a kiss as the music starts to play in the background. I hold my award up in the air for the photographers to capture before I slowly walk off the stage with Mary at my side.
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I tried to talk to my piano I tried to talk to my guitar Talked to my imagination Confided into alcohol I tried and tried and tried some more Told secrets 'til my voice was sore Tired of empty conversation 'Cause no one hears me anymore
A single spotlight falls on me as I stay standing with my arms at my side.
A hundred million stories And a hundred million songs I feel stupid when I sing Nobody's listening to me Nobody's listening I talk to shooting stars But they always get it wrong I feel stupid when I pray So, why am I praying anyway? If nobody's listening
Hearing everyone react to my song makes me cry which isn't something that I often do during my performances but this is a song that I wrote while I was in the hospital. I never thought that I would return to the industry after my hospital stay nor did I think that I would ever perform this song live.
Anyone, please send me anyone Lord, is there anyone? I need someone, oh Anyone, please send me anyone Lord, is there anyone? I need someone
I slowly walk to the front of stage during the extended piano break and I sigh deeply while facing into the crowd.
Anyone, please send me anyone Lord, is there anyone? I need someone, oh Anyone, please send me anyone Oh, Lord, is there anyone? I need someone Oh, anyone, I need anyone Oh, anyone, I need someone
I allow myself to feel everything that I felt in that moment which has me falling to my knees in the most painfully beautiful way. Feeling hopeless is something that I don't often identify with because I have lived such a fulfilling life but I felt it immensely when I was alone in the hospital.
A hundred million stories And a hundred million songs I feel stupid when I sing Nobody's listening to me Nobody's listening
Looking up at the audience with tear streamed eyes makes me feel a range of emotions as I question whether I have been too open with the world. Sharing your life story can be a blessing and a curse as people like to use it against you.
