This is not a love story. This is a mere documentation of love from two souls who, from strangers who argued about love, then fell harder and became strangers once again.
Clara Smith, a 24 year old woman, who had never experience affection, let it be from her family nor from anyone else. She was raised by her mother whom, when Clara was younger, had to work multiple jobs to survive. Her father, a man of no self respect, ditches his family as soon as Clara was born. Being raised by a single mother is harder when you're living off the debt your useless father left you, and so, Clara had more hate than most feminists have for males.
It explains, when she was in middle school, she rejected every single boy who'd asked her for prom, and so she went alone. Entering high school rumors of her being a lesbian had spread like the plague. Isolated by her classmates, proves to her, that she doesn't need anyone but herself. She showed to everyone how, just because they shut her away, doesn't mean she is weaken by it, however it'd made her stronger.
And as she grew older, her perception towards men and love doesn't falter. Men are good for two things, hard labor and being dead, love however, love doesn't matter. Because love what met both her parents, and love also what caused her father to leave. To be exact, what is even love? Does it even exist? If love does exist, then why did her father left her? If love did exist, then why is it the statistics of divorce increases by the year? If love truly exist, why is it, why is it so hard to love herself?
After her teenage years, her college era isn't that much of a different. She'd specifically request to do a group assignments alone if not with a girl's only group. She doesn't exactly shows her hatred to her male classmates, her stoic personality covers her deep trauma. The others would just get along with not interacting with Clara.
Exceptionally smart, she eases her way through college and found herself working at a news company. A job that she doesn't really desired but as long as she earns a steady salary and doesn't have to interact much with people, she'd be settled. Columns of news and stories she wrote, increasingly making her prominent with her alias, "hiswalkingangel", readers become more and more intrigued with her writing. Though countless times her supervisor told her to step up and claim the fame, all Clara did was shrug the offer and continued her job.
She doesn't want to be well-known for things that are visible to everyone. Her writings aren't that poetic nor was it a breakthrough, it was simply, letting her thoughts work their way.
Day and night passed, one thought of hers that she could not shake, the meaning of love. And so she started doing a public blog asking around anonymous people to explain the meaning of love in their own terms.
anonymous311 commented: love is when the look she give to me when I'm explaining Star Wars lore to her. the way my girlfriend would giggle and tease of how a dork I am. How every morning, before she'd go to work, she'd always give me a morning kiss and a long warm hug. love is embracing.
anonymous242 commented: idk if this counts as the term love, but to me, it's the feeling of safe around that person. when my husband and i was dating, i had to renew my passport, and my husband (at that time my bf) he accompanied me. we had to queue for 4 hours just to get to the counter, and i forgot my identifications. i was so scared that he'd get mad because i can be forgetful sometimes, but all he did was laugh and said "come on, we'll catch the afternoon session." he did not even raised his voice neither did he changed his attitude. returning home, he said not to rush because he can wait, and that just gave me ever so comfort and safe with him.
Upon reading countless comments under her blog, Clara laughed, cried and felt so envious of people who had experience love. She wanted to, but it's as though, her rational self denies of this feeling. As if, she'd get hurt.
Once in a while, she'd call her mother, asking if she had taken her medication or did she done the gardening. In some ways, that is love, she thought. But is being nice is love? Is it the same? Left confused and mentally strained, Clara left the thought at the back of her mind.
For months, Clara left her blog, refusing to read others experience of love. And notifications after notifications, she just sat there, watching her blog blow up with other people's perspective of love. She thought, maybe if I'd just left it for a few months, I soon forget about it.
And she did. Passed few months, her blog starts to simmer down, and Clara continued her life.
Then months gone by, a new notification popped.
anonymousAlien commented: love huh? love is being able to see someone you have feelings for be with someone else. love is having to let go of the person that you had lived half your life with. love is cruel? but love is also kind. love is in all kind of ways. love is everywhere if you really think about it. i had a hard time to explain what love meant to me, but i strung one out. love is acceptance. being in love is accepting every single quirks and details of the person you like and in hopes that they would accept yours. love is accepting the joy and hardships that comes with it. love is also accepting the reality. because just because you love someone, doesnt mean that the feeling has to be reciprocated. so if you really loved that person, you would accept that fact and make peace with it.
Intrigued by the comment, Clara pinned the comment so that other readers would have a say. Not that she opposes it, but Clara, felt something. With thousands of comments, this particular comment had made Clara felt safe. More than just safe, she was somehow left unspoken. She had thought of messaging the anonymous commenter but then again why? She felt unease with herself. She felt unsettled, she felt like the writer purposely wrote it with intentions to make Clara left craving for more. Maybe it's just for moment type of feeling, so she let the restless feeling settled at the back of her mind like an itch begging to be scratched.
And not long after, an email was sent.
To: anonymousAlien
From: hiswalkingangel
Hello there, Clara here, the one who published the blog "the meaning of love". I greatly appreciate your take, and I was wondering if you would love for a talk. If you'd agree, do reply okie!
xoxo
To be continued.
