Remembering His Love // nh // complete

Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

Now

March 11th, 2013

ELLA'S POV

Niall hadn't noticed anything so far, of which I was glad. Colly, however, was a bit suspicious, which worried me greatly.

What am I talking about, you ask?

I believe I'm now what you would consider bulimic. I eat. And then I purge.

I wasn't proud of it. Not for a second. But in the end, I deserved this.

I needed to prove to myself I was strong, because I wasn't. Eleanor, Danielle, Audrey, Jade, and Perrie could deal with hate just fine, and there I was, throwing up all my food to become skinnier. I had fallen apart completely when a boy left me, and I let that same boy take advantage of me at my weakest; when my dad died.

I sat with Colly at the breakfast table in the hotel room the boys and us were staying at, due to the Take Me Home tour.

Eggs, bacon, and pancakes, a classic breakfast, seemed to dare me to eat it. My stomach growled loudly, and I blushed embarrassed. Coleen was happily stuffing her face with food, and I wondered how someone who ate like that could stay so thin and graceful.

I bit my lip, and slowly, cautiously, ate my food, cringing with each swallow.

You're fat.

I put down my fork with a tiny clink and bit down on my tongue to keep from crying.

You're weak.

I stood up abruptly and sent my chair flying backwards. "Excuse me." I muttered quickly and walked off into mine and Coleen's shared room.

I dove into the side pocket of my backpack and pulled out my toothbrush. The three letters inscribed on it seemed to scream at me.

fat.

fat.

fat.

fat.

fat.

It chanted in my head, along with each thundering beat of my heart. I went into the bathroom, locked the door behind me and stared at my reflection. The green eyes staring back at me blurred quickly, and I raised my hand the brush the tears out.

I got down on my knees, the cold tile beneath me freezing my poor knees. Letting the last few tears squeeze out, I shoved the toothbrush to the back of my throat, and let the acid from my stomach burn my throat as it all entered the toilet. When it was all over, I flushed the toilet, shaking like a leaf, and I hurried to brush my teeth with a different brush.

It's for the better. I thought to myself.

When I was calm enough to fake a smile, dimples and all, at my reflection, I went back out and smiled at Coleen.

She smiled back, but I saw the suspicion in her eyes.

"When are the boys getting back tonight?" I asked awkwardly, just to fill the silence.

"Around 10." She answered slowly.

I nodded and plopped down on the couch as casually as I could, though I winced. I had been feeling really tired and lethargic lately. I could assume it was from the lack of food inside me. I wasn't exactly worried though. It would be worth it in the end, wouldn't it?

I could only hope it would.

NIALL'S POV

The lights flashing across my eyes were nothing compared to the fans, our fans, screaming in front of me.

I could barely believe that it was all real, that everything was real. Who would have guessed that short blond boy with crooked teeth from Mullingar would be standing in front of a giant crowd of screaming fans.

It was all so surreal.

I looked around at everything.

Josh, looking proud as ever, at his drum set. Harry, cheekily pinching Zayn's cheek.

Sometimes it was tough to convince myself that this wasn't my imagination. I had always dreamed of selling out arenas, and singing my heart out on stage. And now, I was doing just that, except with four of the most amazing people I'd ever met, and the best fans on the planet.

I couldn't possibly ask for more.

I ran a hand through my blond hair, and fixed one of the many pins on the denim part of my jacket.

"It's moments like these where you just realize how surreal this all is." I said.

I caught Louis' eye, and he smiled, "That's exactly what I was thinking."

I grinned back at him and the rest of the boys.

I could see Liam's eyes glistening with tears, and I could feel my eyes gently watering. I became aware of all our directioners crying in front of us.

And suddenly, I realized why our fans symbol was the infinity symbol. It was because them, the directioners, and us, we were forever. Limitless. Never-ending. Immortal.

The thought thrilled me, and rippled through my body.

There was nothing in the world that could compare to any of this.

ELLA'S POV

When the boys came back that night, they all showered and cleaned themselves up from the busy concert. Niall was the first to come out, and he had been laying on his bed when I knocked on the door.

"Niall?" I asked.

"C'mon, El!" He said, and I opened the door.

His blond hair was wet and tousled about his head. He held his arms out open wide, welcoming me. I laid down next to him, and snuggled into his warm chest. He kissed the top of my head lovingly, and held me close.

"I love you." I told him.

"I love you, too." He responded.

I fell asleep like that, with my head buried into his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

When I woke up, I saw a pair of blue crystal eyes staring back at me. And then a smile appeared on the face in front of me. Despite the tears that filled my eyes, I smiled back at him. He poked one of my dimples, and kissed the tip of my nose.

He was so perfect, in every way. I loved him more than I ever had.

In that moment, I realized that I would never love anyone else but him. Even if we didn't last forever, my love for him would. I would meet be over him. He would forever be my one and only.

His large hand came to rest on my hip. His eyebrows crinkled slightly. "Have you gotten thinner, El?"

My heart skipped a beat. Why did I have to be such a bad liar? I shrugged and tried to keep a neutral expression, "I don't know."

His fingers traced my hip bones. "I can feel your bones." He said softly.

"It's probably just from all the flying and airport food." I told him.

He nodded slightly, and kissed me softly.

I exhaled quietly. That was close.

-----