His Darkness (bxb)

chapter thirty-eight

and i've moved further than i thought i could

but i miss you more than i thought i would

━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━

Saying goodbye to Mia and going back home to our own families for reading week was hard. It's been a few days and I still feel the distance tugging at my heartstrings. We agreed it was too early to introduce each other to our families and Mia had to go back home to visit her sick aunt. She'd recently been feeling really guilty about leaving her behind and moving to Toronto while she's fighting cancer and going to weekly appointments and checkups, so I know she really needed this time with the only family she's got left. 

The last time I saw my mother and sisters was in December, so nothing much has actually changed. Mom was still seeing Coach Mike and Cassie and Sally were in the first grade, though Sal had lost a tooth last month. 

I'm upstairs in my bedroom, finishing up an Economics paper and  trying to ignore the unwanted memories that taint its every detail - the corner Noah used to always sit in whenever he came over to hang out, the doorknob I would grip so tightly when Noah would split, debating whether or not I stay and face his wrath or leave and put my own feelings first, the spot next to my closet where'd he'd embrace me afterwards and tell me he was sorry and that he loved me... the bed we had sex for the first time in. The bed we were sitting on when he found out about Jake. The bed we were sitting in when I told him it would be a good idea to develop a relationship with his biological mother again. 

I'm relieved when my mom's voice calls out from the living room. "Elijah, come set the table for dinner."

"Coming!" Sighing, I shut my laptop and head downstairs.

The couch we sat on when he first came over. Where he told me about his biological parents and the bullying and the eating disorder and the self-harm. Where I made him promise he'd stay alive... Where he kissed me for the first time. 

Everything about Noah is so bittersweet. 

I walk into the living room and am consumed by the smell of grilled meat - Mom must be making burgers. "Were you working on something?" she asks when I enter the kitchen, not looking up from the stove. 

"Just an Econ paper," I shrug, grabbing four plates and beginning to set the table. 

"Uh, Mike's coming over for dinner if you could just set an extra plate," Mom says with a sheepish smile.

"Sure," I nod, returning the gesture. 

"Thanks, darling."

"Lijah, look!" My sisters are already sat at the kitchen table, filling in their colouring books. "Mine is a mermaid!"

"That's really pretty, Cas-"

"Look, it's Bob, the minion," Sally shouts enthusiastically. 

"Those are so cool, but can you guys move to the couch so I can set the table?" I ask gently. 

"Can we watch Paw Patrol?" Cassie asks with wide eyes. 

"Of course, I'll put it on in a second."

"No, silly!" Cassie hops off her chair and folds her arms sassily. "I can do it by ourselves now. Mom taught me."

Sally raises her hand. "She taught me, too."

"You guys are so big now, aren't you?" I smile, setting the plates on the table and starting to place one in front of each chair. 

"Of course!" they giggle as they run off, jumping onto the couch. 

When I'm done setting the table, the doorbell rings.