Eternal Desires(On Hold)

29

Ummi's pov

There comes a time in our life where we have two choices, Go with what life offers you or struggle for what you want, in my own case i have a single choice, to go with whatever it is life offer me, if I can i do fight to be with fu'ad, but circumstances happened and sometimes no matter how badly we want things we don't have a choice than to let go,
  I am beginning to accept the fact that fu'ad was never meant for me, every scenario in my life has never for once go as i want it to be, if i look back in time when i was still growing up and how different my teenage life had been, to my two weddings that was called off and then down to my marriage with fu'ad, I believe and know sometimes some things can only be twisted by the almighty,
All my life all i have wanted was a beautiful perfect life like my parents, to have that one person that we will both share that Eternal desires but perhaps the road to eternal love isn't as easy as i thought I will to be.

Before i was brought into my new matrimonial home this evening my mum say "ummi let go, sometimes letting go is the only way to find that happiness"my mum had said to me,
Marrying jalal is never something i have ever thought about, sometimes we get what we want when we don't want it, if I was told before this day that i would one day marry my pictured perfect dream guy, the very guy i do spend the entire evening locked in my bedroom sketching him and trying to hold that perfect face i saw once at the mall lot i do say it's a lie, but here we are today after years and alot of twist in my life he's mine but that excitement isn't even there.

The thought of fu'ad and i been married same day only to different spouse sent a sick feeling in my stomach, I stare at my reflection in the mirror i reach out my hand and touch the cold glass and release a deep breathe, my children are with my mum even do i know very well jalal wouldn't mind me been with them this night but then again, he's my husband now, I sigh and sit on the edge of the bed.
   I glance at the Digital wall clock that now shows 11pm, I have removed all the weird make up and heavy clothes I was dressed in before coming here, I'm now Wearing a bright pink baggy almost like oversize looking pyjamas,
The doorknob twist and i quickly look towards the door.

The door instantly open, I'm not suprise and at thesame time I'm suprise because he's on his pyjamas.

"Can i come in?"he ask nervously and i nod.

"I...I came since but.... I'm afraid of coming in and....."he scratch the back of his head and shut the door close.

"Ummi i know you don't like this but.... I'm sorry for putting you in this situation an.....

"Jalal is fine,
We are married now,
We only have two choices,
Make it work or leave."I say and look up at him.

"I want this to work out for the both of us,
I'm tired of getting rejected and things not working out for me in my life,
I just want a normal relationship,
I want a man that will love me eternally,
It doesn't matter.........I pause for a while and release a heavy breathe.

"I don't want to think about my past jalal, I just want to be happy,
If you can give me that then, I will be greatful."I say staring at him and he look down at his fingers before looking up at me again.

He grab the chair by the mirror stand and sit in front of me, he look up at me, staring right inside my eyes as if searching for something as his hand gently remove the strand of hair falling on my face and fix it behind my ear.

"Ummi."he call my name and release a heavy breathe.
"I don't want to lie to myself and say I'm not guilty for marrying you,
Today turn out to be the best day of my life because i get to be with someone like you for the rest of my life but it is also the most painful day in my life because i loss my brother and bestfriend,
Alot of people will call it betrayal for me marrying my bestfriend Ex-wife......"he pause and shake his head with a weak smile.