Unwritten Draft

LIGHT-HEARTED ; PURPOSE

You never really know what will come your way; life takes unexpected turns.

One moment you feel unfortunate, and next, you are one of the happiest people on earth.

It is called life because there are a few ups and downs; live for the moment, get the best of what you have and always grab the next opportunity—"live the moment to the fullest."

It's never too late to try.

It's never too late for anything

Life is supposed to be simple

It's just our thoughts that makes it complicated. 

"Love everyone, leave no one."

You know everyone needs someone special in their life, 

Someone they can hold when they are having a bad day. 

Someone to be there when you have uncontrollable tears flowing down your eyes. 

Someone who can wipe your tears and make you smile when you can't even get up from the bed. 

Someone to give you the hope that tomorrow will be a totally different day—that tomorrow will be your day.

Heartbreak isn't beautiful. It isn't a fucking poetry; it is neither staying up 'till 4 AM and listening to sad songs.

"It's breaking down in the middle of a busy street or in the middle of the day."

It's seeing your face in all the people I pass by; it's okay for weeks, and then suddenly I feel your ghost hugging me, and I start choking on the memories of your presence.

It's like waking up from a dream of them in the middle of the night dumbfounded because my chest aches.

A heart isn't a cigarette; you just can't light it up and stomp it out when you are done because there is nothing pretty about bleeding from the inside out.

One day, I hope you look back on what you had, then regret everything you did to let it end.

That day you would know what's the worst type of crying is; you would know what I did felt. 

When everyone is asleep, you feel the pain coming out of your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears.

The one where you just want to scream, the one where you just have to hold on to your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet.

The one where you can't breathe anymore.

The one when you realize the person for whom you were their world, their only reason to live is gone.

You try to forget what happened to you and move on with your life. 

But you can't "...you just can't."

—because you have been hurt so many times and stabbed by people, you never imagined.

All those invisible cuts and bruises, all the pain you are hiding within yourself. It's just taking a toll on your life; you have been shackled by your own thoughts. You try to move, but you can't; the pain which was once physical has become mental now. 

This pain is something you pray no one should go through.

Out of nowhere, I get this urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but at points, I assume I'll never ever be able to convince anyone that the decisions I am making in my life are the right ones. 

Maybe others feel like my decisions are insane by any definition, but I have my own reasons. Reasons that I know they will never understand.

I even consider not writing this; for me, all these notes and words are nothing but just a paragraph that someone would not even read.

But then again, this is something that is keeping me sane. Something through which I can express the pain, my sorrows.

I accept that according to norms and regulations, my decisions are wrong, I understand that what I am doing or have done is terrible, but then all the pressure I am put through, all the pains I have been through, is something that nobody knows.

Nobody has been in my shoes. "No one has been in my shoes." — and I don't want anyone to wear them. I don't want them to feel what I had felt. 

Nobody gave me reasons; nobody helped me out when I was the victim and being portrayed as the culprit.

I created a box for myself, a cold box where at least I could be myself, but people have problems with that too.

At the age when people are happy, I am spending my life feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up to the damages I had done already. The worst part is that the damage is not only done to my body but also makes me mentally ill.

In situations where my friends can deal with ease, it takes "me time" to understand and come up with a solution.

I have this feeling of uncontrollable rage inside of me, the wrath of not being able to control what is happening in my life; I try to keep the darkness at bay, be it for a few hours, do what I think can distract me, but then again it ends up being of no use.

I used to go out on drives, not knowing my destination, just wandering around like a lost soul on the road, but this darkness started hitting me there, also making me feel like a dead possum killed by someone who was not paying attention at all. 

For everyone out there, I am the happiest motherfucker on the face of the earth, but nobody knows how badly my happiness has been raped, killed, and shredded into pieces.

I have been through a lot of shit, the kind of shit people cannot even imagine.

The darkness has followed me like a fog, like my own shadow, which intensifies sometimes and even overwhelms me, usually triggered by a situation, which would lead me down the memory lane to the things where I was not even wrong but again punished.

This darkness is with me every time I am awake, like grime covering me.

I feel trapped; this grime is something I try to wash off but "I cannot."

I am exhausted, feeling like this every hour every day.

I either go without sleep for days or sleep straight for hours; 

people think I am lazy.

But "...no, I am not." 

I'm just up for the challenge you guys gave me.