Unwritten Draft

TANONG ; PILAS

It has been a year already - a year of battling from the heartaches that cause tears and sorrow. 

A year of making myself believe that one day, one day we will be in each other's arms again.

I know you're happy now, and I know that I have to let you go already. 

But I think letting go of someone who hasn't even been yours is not easy.

I can't remember how many attempts did I make just to move on and forget everything. But, every time I take a step forward, the memories are trying to pull me back. 

It's like this rollercoaster of emotions has gone for too long and I need to end it as soon as possible before I can hurt myself over and over again.

You were that upfront when you told me your love for me has turned to gray. Can you blame me for hoping that one day, 

"...we'll be in love again the way we were before?"

I know you have not instructed me to invest everything on this. We both know that we have our own responsibilities in life.

But whole-heartedly I gave much of my time and attention towards you since the beginning, and I am not feeling any regret about it.

Because the happiest and fondest memories we shared are more than important to me.

Those happy memories that turned to bad ones.

I have to help you adjust on the new step you took in your career path.

Not to mention the nights I stayed with you trying to make you feel better because you were so depressed.

You then became my only world 

—the only one I want to be and spend the rest of my life with.

My cellphone became my very best friend next to you, as we are constantly exchanging text messages...

"till our eyes close."

I know deep inside that there was something with those messages that made our relationship grow stronger.

Until the text messages and exchange of phone calls suddenly lessened, it was very clear to me that everything is falling into places.

"And I was right."

You told me that you 

"don't know what's going to happen to us anymore."

You were so blunt showing me that you can't feel the pain that I was experiencing.

From the moment you said you "don't know if you still love me", I knew deep in my heart that our story will soon to end. That it has to end.

Trying to move on and forget everything are the hardest thing I can do to stop hurting myself anymore. 

I could no longer count how many sleepless nights I spent crying and hoping that everything will be fine again.

I respect your decision since I knew there's a part that it had to be blamed on me.

"till the end."

But just like cupid, he also never saw this coming, and it makes me so sad that it ended this way.

Seconds

Minutes

Hours

Days

Months

Years

... had passed and my devastated heart begun to heal.

I am very much grateful for my family and friends who made me whole again.

Letting go is not easy, but I have to do it for myself - to embrace a new beginning. 

Trying to forget everything is hard, most especially if every time I look around, all I can remember is you and the memories we had.

Though it's hard, "sobrang hirap" but I came to a realization that everything about us will never be the same again.

I'm very determined to move on, I started a new chapter in my life in unfamiliar places surrounded with unfamiliar people.

I may be picturing my future with you before, but not anymore.

I need to run away from the world we built together and start building a new for myself and for my future. I need to keep moving forward.

As I let you embrace the chance to be loved again by someone, I will also find someone who can love me as much as I love her. I have decided to not to cling on my past anymore.

For the meantime, let's just allow ourselves to chase our own dreams and find someone who we can spend the rest of our lives with.

You made me the strongest and mature woman than I am before.

Our memories will always have their special places in my heart. But, I guess this is the best time to bid my sweetest goodbye to you.

"Till we meet again."