The Nerd [ongoing]

saudade (47.)

saudade

(n.) a nostalgic longing for something or someone that was loved and then lost, 
with the knowledge that it or they may never return;
"the love that remains"

We decided to all get ready in our own rooms and then eat breakfast together again. Ava was ready before me so I told her she didn't have to wait for me.

After brushing my teeth I immediately call my parents. Apparently they haven't heard from me for too long. I assured them that I was having fun. When my dad started to tease me about a certain girl I hung up on them. Luckily Ava was gone already.

~

I sit down at the table and place my plate in front of me.

I lightly bump into Ava with my shoulder. "You'll never guess who I just bumped into inside the elevator."

Her eyes fill with humor. "Beyoncé."

I roll my eyes. "How'd you know?"

I see Rea perk up in my peripheral vision. "Really?"

"Nope." I turn to look at her and shake my head.

She slumps back in her seat and pouts. "How cool would that be though."

I turn back to Ava. "It was Althea." That's what we named the old lady.

"Althea! How is she d-"

Before she can finish her sentence, Santiago puts Lily down in her arms and walks away. Tim and Armani stand up too and Tim whispers something in Ava's ear before he leaves.

Ava's face drops and her eyes fill with worry before that's quickly covered up. She clears her throat. "Okay then."

After adjusting a sleeping Lily in her arms, she takes another bite of her food. Elijah shoots her a concerned look. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, why'd they leave so suddenly?" Rea asks.

"Where are they going?" Jason gives Ava a curious look.

Ava shrugs. "Probably a last minute business meeting. Happens sometimes." She looks down. "But I don't mind if I get to watch over this little bean." Her finger softly glides over Lily's teeny nose.

Our friends all turn back to their own conversation. I look at Ava. "Everything okay?"

Her eyelids flutter for a second before slightly looking up at me. "Yeah." She almost whispers.

AVAS POV

I hope so. I add in my mind.

Obviously something really, really bad happened otherwise they wouldn't have got up and left so suddenly.

I'm a little scared for them, I'll admit that. I know they can handle themselves and all that shit but I do wish I can help right now.

But I guess I still am, by keeping Lily safe. It's not that I mind that 'job' but I'm better at kicking people's asses than cleaning those of baby's. Let's just say that.

~

"How are you so good at this?"

We moved to the penthouse and just finished giving Lily her breakfast. Hunter is burping her, slightly moving left and right while standing up.

His eyes widen a little. "I uh, I had a little sister. So I guess I've had some practice." He doesn't look me in my eyes while he speaks.

"Had?" I softly ask. I take my laptop off my lap and place it on the coffee table, the tab with self help tips about babies still open.

"Yeah- um. She died really young." He clears his throat. "Leukemia." He sits down on the couch on the opposite side of the coffee table, still holding Lily. His eyes start to fill with tears which he harshly blinks away.

"The doctors said they couldn't do anything for her anymore." His voice cracks at the end of his sentence.

I feel my eyes getting wet and I get up from my seat and walk towards him.

"I'm so sorry." I wish I was better at consoling people. I wish I knew how to make it better. I sit down next to him and he immediately lays his head down in the crook of my neck while simultaneously wrapping one of his arms around my waist and squeezing me against him.

I slightly hesitate before hugging him back, being mindful of Lily at the same time.

I feel my shoulder getting wet and I have to fight to keep my own tears at bay. I can't imagine what that must've been like for him. And for Jackson. He lost his kid. How did I not know this earlier?

A little burping sound breaks us apart again and the mood in the room instantly brightens. Hunter lets out a small chuckle and pats her softly on the back. "Good girl," he says, his voice still a little hoarse from crying.

He sniffles, "now you know my sob story."

We chuckle a little.

"What was she like?" I carefully ask, "if you don't mind me asking of course."

"I don't. It's only fair that you get to ask the questions this time around."

I shift around a bit while he busies himself with laying Lily down in his arms.

"Well, she was this very bubbly little kid. She would never stop talking, not even in her sleep." The corners of his lips turn up a little, as if he's remembering something, "And she was smart. So smart. I bet she would've grown up to be some kind of doctor if she didn't-" He trails off, his eyes getting wet again.

"Anyway," he shakes his head, "Her favorite animal was a snake. Which kind of shocked everyone that asked. Which was almost her favorite thing about having it as her favorite animal.

She would sometimes randomly fall into a fit of laughter just from a thought that came into her head.

I think what she liked most was seeing a smile on other peoples faces. Her whole face would almost glow when she saw that she made one of us laugh.

That was the hard part. Not hearing her giggles throughout the day. Or hearing them but then remembering that it can't be-

My parents and I figured that she wouldn't want us to be sad all of the time since she loved to make us laugh so much. So we almost got closer after she," he swallows, "died."

"It still feels weird to say it out loud. Like it makes it real."