TW: MENTIONS OF DRUNK DRIVING, GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF MURDER
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I had the best sleep of my life last night, and I hate that the common denominator of that sleep is Izanagi.
When I heard him yelling from my room, I thought that it was his TV or something, but something told me to go check up on him and I'm glad I did because I don't know what he would've done if he woke up alone in that dark room.
I think he's happy that I came to his rescue too because as soon as I laid my head on his chest, his heartbeats slowed down and his body stopped shaking. I'm guessing that at some point during the night, he wrapped his hands around me and I must've done the because I woke up tangled up with him.
It was nice. That's the problem.
I'm supposed to hate Izanagi, yet I find myself thinking about him at the most random times. I'm always wondering about what he's been through, if his mental health is up to par, and lately, I've been more worried about the people who could be coming after him. I don't know much about his past, but it has to be terrifying enough for him to still be having nightmares and go through such extremes to escape from it all.
I hate him.
I try to remind myself that I hate him, even if I'm not sure how true it is.
I hate him, right?
Fuck, I need a distraction.
I've never been good with feelings, so whenever I get in my head like this, there's only one thing that makes me feel better. Killing. The chase and the thrill of a kill are enough to take my mind off of anything because it consumes me to the point where I am utterly enthralled by it.
I haven't been back to the club since that night, and maybe it's because deep down, I don't want to face the person in the mask again. I'm already hiding so much from Sophia, so if it is revealed that Jax is really the person behind the mask, I don't know how I'll be able to live with myself without telling her, because she deserves to know.
Except that at the moment, my need to kill is greater than my need to be a good best friend, so in an attempt to take my mind off of Izanagi and everything new that I am feeling for him, I'm going back to the club tonight and I'm going to project the anger I feel towards myself for not being able to stop thinking about Izanagi onto someone else. Someone else who deserves it.
Tonight, I have my sights set on Logan. He was driving while drunk, and he crashed into a family of four, killing everyone except the baby who was protected by the baby seat. Rumor has it that he bribed the judge and got off scot-free. It's not fair that because he wanted to take a joy ride in his Porsche with a bottle of tequila, a family will never be the same because of the consequences. The blood of three people is on his hands, and now his blood will be on mine.
That bar must be cursed or something because every single person who deserves to go to hell uses it as a hangout spot. After watching Logan's trial on TV, and reading way too many articles about him, I recognize Logan as soon as I walk into the bar. I'm not sure if the seduction tactic will work this time, so I need a backup plan to make sure that I can get him to be comfortable and leave with me tonight.
