Torn in two (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 1

Luke's POV

Even though its only been a month since her death. It feels like forever.

I spent everyday feeling down. Depressed and some days I was suicidal.

Day one was spent laying on the sofa crying. I looked at all our photos together. The hospital had called to say we have to wait longer until we can organize the funeral. They said they still need to examine her body.

I went to bed that night feeling like shit. The only things that were making me smile we my kids. Jayde and Amy drew me pictures of me,Cara,Tyler and the kids which made me smile.

The boys have been very supportive too. They fully understood when I said I don't think i'm up for performing anytime soon so they came to a decision that they will either sing all together my part of the songs or give them to Ashton since he doesn't get many solos.

The fans were also very supportive of my decision and understood completely. They even started a few hashtags like #RipCara and #SmileLuke.

I was very happy I had such understanding and supportive people around me.

Day two things got worse. Jayde was sad all day because she had a performance to do at school and she wanted her mum to be there.

Tyler has been coming home drunk then crying out all his feelings to me. I myself was getting drunk so I could drown my sorrows and forget.

The babies aren't settling for me. Cara does this thing were she gives them their bottle and softly shakes them while whispering the words of a lullaby. I tried that. They cried more. I ended up calling my mum over so she could help. She said she will help me get used to looking after them myself.

As much as Tyler helps he still has to go to work. He leaves early Saturday and Sunday mornings then returns at 1pm. Then on weekdays he's out at 10am and doesn't return till 6pm.

I can't complain though. He's been amazing at cheering up Jayde and Amy while they're crying.

Day three I took a blade to my wrist. Everything was going wrong. The babies wouldn't eat their dinner, Jayde refused to go to school and Amy was becoming moody towards me.

My mum said Amy is in her preteen years so I need to get used to it. She is nearly 10 so i'm dreading when for beginnings to get her 'Lady problems'.

Cara would deal with that. Give her 'The talk' so she understands what is going to happen to her. Cara also said she's going to be there when Jayde and Amy are having 'Boy troubles'. What am I meant to say when they come home saying they're heartbroken. Girls are more understanding of each other.

Day four the doctors called multiple times but I didn't answer. I was too scared. They said it was something serious and I need to talk to them but I just ignored it.

That day I was going through Cara's things and found lots of her old photo's from when she was around 15. She was so clueless to what her life was going to come to then. Her smile was the same, her choice of fashion, her piercings were the same and her hair was still a vibrant color.

God I miss her. Today its hitting hard just how much i'm missing her.

I miss her beautiful looks and how much she made me smile just by looking at her. Her hair was always so perfect. It was either wavy,straight or in one or two buns. Her hair was always colored. Never did she let her roots come through. Her piercings were always looking perfect. Her nose ring and septum ring always looked cute. Her lip and tongue bar always drove me crazy. Her hip and belly bars always made her look more tanned. The small skin divers she had were my favorite. They were unique.

After they called more and more times I finally answered and they told me something that made me feel even more sad.

Cara was pregnant again. She clearly didn't know. They baby died along with her. The doctors examined her and they saw the baby had attached onto the cancer cells so even if Cara was still alive. The baby would die anyway. The doctor that has been examining her said he had something else to say but I hung up and ignored them again.

That day I took the blade against my wrist again. This time I cut too deep and Tyler saw. He bandaged me up and we had a chat about how I need to man up for the sake of the kids.

I'm going to counseling two days a week so I can overcome how suicidal I feel and they will give me advice on how to deal without my wife.

Day five was better. 

After endless chats with all my loved ones I decided to take the kids out to a play area then for some dinner.

After that I went to a performance which surprised the boys. They were in the middle of dedicating a song to me and Cara and how they want me to be happy and how much they miss Cara. 

While they were singing I walked on with my guitar and microphone headset and joined in.

My mum was looking after the kids. She wanted me to have a nice time. I didn't go out and get drunk though.

The boys understood I didn't want too so we got a few beers and played some games.

I smiled and laughed. It was genuine and real. Not fake like the ones I've been putting on so the kids saw me happy. They were real.

Things are looking up slightly.

But i'm still a broken man without the person I love.

________________________

a/n

ik this was kinda boring but its kinda a prologue

i have soooooooooooooo many ideas for this so pls pls pls stay with me on this.

i'll update again tonight but i'm going out with my mum for an hour or two.

btw what's been your all time favorite moment from the adopted by 5sos series?

even though i have ideas PLS PLS PLS send me yours!!

ITS MY FAVORITE THING SEEING YOUR IDEAS BC Y'ALL SO CREATIVE!!!

opinions even though its the first chapter?lol.

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