The Affair [boyxboy]

The Affair {17}

                I remembered taking him on a camping trip over the summer. We had snuck out in the middle of the night, and made love under the stars and the full moon. I remembered feeling so in love with him, and thinking it was special because I was the only one he had ever given himself to.

                But now what? He had been having sex with Blake all along. Lying right to my face about who knew what.

                “What am I supposed to do Felix?” I asked, knowing he wouldn’t have the answer.

                “I don’t know Luka. I still can’t believe that they would actually…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head sadly. “I just can’t believe it. I thought they were so much better than doing something that low and dishonest.”

                I knew Connor meant it when he said he loved me. But why the affair, then? Why did he have to go off and cheat on me? How the hell was I supposed to ever trust him again after this?

                Felix stayed with me for a while, us just sitting there in silence, me trying not to break. Once he left, I curled up on my bed, holding the stuffed cat to me.

                “Connor,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. “Why did you have to do it Connor?”

                                                                                                ***

                I walked into school feeling miserable and exhausted. I had barely slept. I had stayed up most of the night wondering about Connor and Blake.

                Normally, I loved being at school. I loved learning and seeing all my friends. But now I just felt…empty.

                I looked over and felt my heart ache. Connor was sitting alone on a bench, his earphones in. He had a tortured look in his eyes despite his neutral expression.

                I dropped my head and began to walk towards the senior hallway to go to my locker. I froze as I felt a hand land on my shoulder.

                I slowly turned and looked up into Connor’s eyes. He gulped and pulled his hand away from my shoulder, letting his gaze fall to his feet.

                “I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to hate me. But I just…I just wanted to make sure you were…” He seemed to be struggling with his words. He sighed in defeat. “Fuck it, I know you’re not okay. Luka, I can’t apologize enough. If you want to break off all ties with me and never see me again, I won’t stop you. I deserve it. But I just want you to know how sorry I am about all of this, and how much I love you.”

                The honesty in his words had my eyes watering. “Why did you have to do it Connor?” I asked him.

                He chewed on his lip nervously, running a hand through his hair. I realized how tired he looked, and how messy his hair was. It looked like he hadn’t even attempted to tame the curls on his head.

                “I just needed someone to notice me. I was breaking, and I didn’t want you to see. So I went to Blake instead. He gave me a hug, and it eased the pain a little. That was all it took. Anything to ease the pain and stop feeling invisible. But I don’t want to make excuses, Luka. Nothing can ever justify what I did to you, and what I’m putting you through now. I know what I did, and I know I deserve the consequences. So please do whatever you need to do to me to ease your pain,” he said.