Love How You Hate Me (Castel #1)

Chapter 31: Duality

SEBASTIAN

"Dad, Mom," I greeted my parents who were having an extravagant breakfast.

"Well? What did you get?" A frown almost displayed on my face. He didn't even ask how I was after spending a whole night at that dump.

"I'm fine, Thanks for asking," I said, Sarcastically as I put my bag down and sat at the other end of the table.

"Was our suspicion correct? Siya ba?" Tanong ni mom. I nodded as I poured orange juice on a ceramic cup.

"Yep. I can't believe it was so easy to get it out of her. Parang she wanted us to know. She just told me the story out of no where." My dad nodded and fixed his eye glasses.

"What did she say?"

"Her dad is Emmerson Monteverde. I think I remember him. Emmy, Right? Your old secretary? When me and Seren-" Mom cut me off with a noticable cough.

"I mean, When I was younger."

"What else?" I smiled, Ignoring the fact that dad hasn't even looked at me since I arrived.

"Is that all she said? That's all you got? Gumawa na nga kami ng paraan for you to stay there overnight and that's all you got? What about the book?"

"She didn't mention anything about a book, Dad. I even checked her room. It wasn't there."

"You need to get that book, Bastian. She read one paragraph in public and it almost stained our name, Paano pa kaya kapag naibahagi na iyon sa publiko? What ever is written on that can ruin our reputation-"

"She told me about her neighborhood getting burned down," Dad stopped his rambling at the same time mom choked on her drink. Dad shook his head. Despite growing up, Knowing this family from the inside out, I had an uncomfortable gt feeling I couldn't sleep with last night. A feeling we might be involved in what happened to Allison.

"That's what terorrists do, Bastian. The NPA's. The enemies of the state. Kaya ikaw,"

"When you become president you will do everything in your power to discipline. I'm trusting that you," The first time he looked at me throughout the whole week.

"You will be fine without our guidance. Hindi ka magiging tanga, Sebastian. My son will not be a nobody,"

"You have a bright future ahead of you, Bastian. A very bright future."

"I'll try my best-"

"You'll be the best." Dad never had a single mistake slip out. Even when we were younger. Honestly,

My eyes fell on my mother.

I don't know how she put up with him. Not enough fancy trips and designer bags are worth staying with such a sadistic dictator of a husband.

"I have to get ready for school." Without hearing a word from them I stood up and went directly to my room.

While water was running down my spine, I thought,

I don't even like him. Dad. He's sexist, mysoginistic and a mean husband. He's a good politician, That's without a doubt. A brilliant lawyer but somehow, Despite being a public servant he lack so much empathy and compassion. Even towards his own children.

Despite everything I don't like about him, Somehow I can never take the disappointed look on his face. Everything I do is to make him proud. Even if it means manipulating a girl into thinking we're friends and everytime we meet is an accident when in reality, She's a mission. The real project hidden behind thesis researches. She's the key to finally make my father be proud of me.

"Shit..." I gulped when I saw the bar of soap crushed within my fingers. I barely noticed I was even holding it sa sobrang lalim ng pag-iisip ko.

I stepped out of the shower, Drying my hair in front of the body mirror. I stared at my own naked figure. Sa kabila ng confident 'prince' heart throb is an insecure little boy.

A very fucking insecure little boy.

So insecure he can't take looking at himself without trying to claw his own finger nails inside his skin. So insecure that he can't even count how many times he had to replace his mirror after shattering it when he somehow stared at himself for too long.

"No one hates you more than I do..." I pressed my finger tips against the mirror.

'who are you if not a Castel?'

I breathed in, Clenching my jaw. Trying my hardest not to tear up.

Oo nga naman.

Who am I if not a Castel?

I felt my heart staring to pound. Like a dog who kept chasing after his owner. Only to realize that he lost them. Only to realize that no one's coming after them, No one's there. No one's coming back.

It was like a lump in my throat that grew bigger every fucking second. Like my thoughts couldn't be arraged into one single train of throught- It wasn't a continuous  train if through, It was a car crash in the high way with multiple vehicles involved, Each not knowing their faith. Will the car explode? Which passenger will get out alive? Who could've avoided this if only they took the left turn in the shortcut their friend told them about two weeks ago.

My forehead began to drip. Like a fountain that rushed like my mind, It wasn't changing anything.

The pills in my hand only numbs me. It's like you're hardwired to not feel but you know you feel something. Hut it isnt there. I shook my head and threw the anxiety pills across my room.

Fuck that. I'd rather feel everything than nothing. It's better to count every car in the road cause if I don't, I might hit one and die than to not feel a single thing.

I'm tired this.