Papá's Girl

It's Better Now

©JRF2016

    I woke up in the destroyed yard of our once peaceful home.  The Governor lying dead beside me and walkers storming into the prison yard.  They were closing in quickly, I needed to find somebody, anybody quick.  I smiled at the sight of my Papá, standing there staring at me with that big grin plastered on his face.  He looked just as I remembered him from when I was a little girl.  He stood tall and strong.  I released my breath and my smile faded as I realized that we needed to get out of here before we were the next additions to the walking dead.  I ran up to my Papáwrapping my arms around him the same way I did every time he came home for me when I was so little.  I reached up and laced my fingers with his.  I stopped, realizing what I had just done and looked down at my hand in my Papá's.  His left hand had all five fingers.  I turned to him as he noticed my surprise and he put his right hand up to my face.  His whole right hand; His actual hand.  "It's better now, Bella Rose."  I shook myself awake and looked around.  I was alone and cold.  I was filthy from digging the hole that I had put my papa in.  I pulled my knees into my chest and cried.  I had nothing, I had no one.  I can't do this alone.  I can't survive, I can't live like this.  I don't want to.

    I walked for days trying to find my people, any of my people, mostly Shane.  I had no desire to keep on living but I thought that maybe if I found him that will to go on would be restored.  So I had a mission.  I finally found an old shack in the middle of the woods.  It wasn't much but I could use it for a while.  I could make it safe until I could find someone else.  On the back corner of this rundown trailer was a small shed, I peeked through the door to see a still.  "Moonshiners," I whispered to myself as I picked up one of the jars.  I took it inside and started boarding the place up.  It was getting late and I decided that I would start searching for my people tomorrow now that I've got a base.  I could hear growling outside.  I peeked through the crack over the window to see one lone walker.  I sat back down thinking that he couldn't do much harm and I stared at the jar of moonshine I had brought in with me.  "What the hell," I said as I twisted off the lid and took a sip. 

The next morning my head was pounding and I had a powerful thirst.  The sun was high in the sky and it was extremely hot making me nauseous.  I decided to just hang out and start tomorrow.  No drinking tonight.  I curled up in that musty old recliner and fell asleep.  I was awakened by the sound of voices outside.  I hid behind the bedroom door as whoever it was started to open the front door.  I heard them walking around out there but they weren't talking until I heard his voice.  "That's a real first drink right there." 

"Eww, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted!"  I was excited now.  My uncle and Beth.  I ran out of the bedroom as Uncle Daryl raised his crossbow.  As soon as he realized it was me he dropped it to the floor and I ran into his arms.  Beth sat there staring at us and smiling as she took her second drink.  "Second round's better."  We all sat in a circle with our mason jars in silence for a while until Uncle Daryl spoke, "Guess you didn't find my brother, your papa, either."  His voice trailed off as he kept his eyes on the floor.  The flood of memories of my last moments with papa came rushing back to me and I felt like crying, again.  I kept my head down and I didn't say anything for a long while when Uncle Daryl put his hand on my shoulder.  "We'll find 'im."  I looked into his eyes and then chugged the rest of my shine.  "We left the prison together.  I know where he is."  Uncle Daryl waited for me to finish as I stared back into those Dixon blue eyes that we all shared and tell him where his brother is.  Why he isn't here now.  I stood to my feet, too quickly, as the moonshine hit my nervous system and I swayed.  I couldn't do this, not right now, I couldn't tell him that papa was bit and I had to put him down.  I ran off to the bedroom of this rundown shack and slammed what was left of the door behind me.