Papá's Girl

Spiral Down and Out

©JRF2016

Isabella's been staying with me all day every day since I woke up. She had left a few minutes ago to help get things ready for this supply run that the Sheriff, the deputy, and my little brother were going on. This is the first time she's been away from me and I don't know how long she'll be gone. Now that I'm all alone in this cramped cell I start thinking about my injuries, disabilities. I keep staring down at my left hand with the stubs where my last two fingers used to be. I can't believe that pretty boy prick actually bit my fingers off. I knew he was crazy but I never imagined he'd be that crazy. What good am I to anyone now? I can't even hold a pistol, or a knife. Moving my gaze back to my right arm with the splint Hershel made up for me, I stared at my attachment. It didn't even have a blade on it anymore. Martinez had taken that off when the Governor was making his big fight to the death speech and I haven't been out to find a suitable replacement yet. I'm useless. Daryl should have just left me to die back there. "Hey Papá," Isabella spoke and I jerked my head up to meet her gaze, "Whatcha thinkin'?"

"Nothin' baby girl," I lied, "Just ready to get up and get movin'." She nodded as I looked back down at my left hand lying there in my lap. She sat down beside me and wrapped her arms around me in one of her sweet hugs. "If you think you're ready," she started as she put my arm around her shoulders, "Then let's take a walk."

As I walked out into the beams of the hot Georgia sun I threw my head back and closed my eyes. Basking in the warmth of the sunshine and for a brief moment every one of those pestering thoughts had left my mind. I had my daughter, my little brother, and sunshine. When I brought my head back down I looked around at this new group of mine as they all stared at back at me. "What the hell are y'all lookin' at?" I sneered at all of them and they looked away. "Papá," Isabella said as she turned to face me, "Chill. They were all worried about you, is all."

"Yeah, sure." I snarked. Isabella looked at me, the way her mother always did causing me to falter in my screw everybody attitude. "Baby, all I care about is you and Daryl. As long as I got you two I don't need anybody else, and I damn sure don't need their pity." Shane walked up and slung his arm around my little girl smiling, "Good to see ya out and about Merle." He was trying to be extra nice. I huffed out a sarcastic, "Yeah right." Shane shrugged it off and started to pull Isabella to the side. "Essere Papáposteriore destra. Siate felici." {Be right back Papá. Be happy.} She smiled and whispered in my ear before she kissed my cheek. I watched as he talked to her and I rolled my eyes as he stole a kiss before leaving on this run. I walked over and sat down on the bleachers in front of what used to be a basketball court and I watched my beautiful, all grown up daughter walk down to the gate to let her new beau out to go on his supply run. I should be glad that she found her a guy that is able to take care of her, especially in a world like this. I guess I did take some comfort in knowing that as long as she was with him she would be safe, he would look out for her as good as I could, but I still didn't like the idea of my little girl with any man. I'm her Papáand I was her number one not too long ago. She looked to me for help, for answers, for protection from the monsters under her bed. Now what am I? I can't even hold my little girl's hand. I can't protect her at all now.

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As I walked outside with PapáI saw Rick and Shane by the car getting ready for their run. Andrea was going to ride along with Daryl. Shane walked over to me and Papáand put his arm around me, trying to be friendly with Papáand he just snapped back rudely. Shane paid no attention to it, he knew how Papáwas, he was only being nice because of me anyway. He pulled me off to the side to say goodbye before he left on this run. "You sure you don't wanna go Izzy," Shane asked, "I know how you're always itchin' for action." He smiled at me with that crooked little grin that drives me crazy. I kissed him and then looked back toward my Papá. "No I don't wanna leave him. His arm is healing up but he seems to be spiraling into some kind of depression. He won't talk to me about it." Shane nodded and placed another kiss on my lips. I walked down to the gate to let them out and watched them disappear down the road.