Dear Iris [h.s]

chapter sixty one.

Iris Grace

Christina helped me pack my suitcase for Paris and then we sat and had a massive heart to heart for a while. It was nice, she's my best friend and I trust her with my life. I know that I could come back here in five years time, and we'd still be as close. That's what real friendship is to me.

I never went home to my family house. I couldn't do it. I tried psyching myself up to say goodbye to them, but I couldn't, I was too scared and I'm a coward. I'm frightened of what they'd say, and I don't think I can listen to what they'd say.

They'd tell me I was stupid, they'd bring up Andrew, they'\d say nasty things abut Harry, and i just don't want to listen to it. I'd say it'd be okay, because it's the last time I'd have to hear it, but I don't want to hear it one last time, I didn't even want to hear it a first.

Instead I wrote a note, tidied up my studio so that it was pretty much unrecognizable. It's not as chaotic, everything is organised, and I don't have random paints and paintbrushes scattered everywhere. The table was pretty much cleared and that's where I left my letter.

'Dear Mum, Dad, and Thomas,

I want to start with an apology. I'm sorry for not saying goodbye properly, however I knew if I did, then it wouldn't really be a goodbye.

I'm going to Paris with Harry, that's where I'll be. You won't be able to find me, not yet anyway. We'll be staying in a hostel until we find somewhere to live permanently, and then I'll start working and Harry will be doing a degree in writing. I know you hate him, but you hate me too and now we're out of our sight, you can't grudge me for that.

I don't know what else to say other than that I'm sorry for not being good enough for the Grace family. I'm sorry that my best wasn't enough for you, and I'm sorry that you never understood me.

Harry does understand me. Harry sees me doing my best and he appreciates it. He sees me doing my worst and yet he still appreciates me.

There isn't much else for me to say, I don't know what else to say. Just be grateful that you'll never have to deal with me embarrassing the family name again, because I'm no longer here to do so.

One final thing that I should perhaps say, is that despite every night I cried myself to sleep knowing I'll never be good enough for my own family, and through every once of hurt and betrayal I felt, I never stopped seeing you as my family.

I'll be back at some point to collect the rest of my things if you haven't gotten rid of them.

Iris Grace.'

Was it a good letter? No. I'm not good at writing things like that, Harry is, but I didn't want to ask for this help as he told me to go and actually talk to them. What do you even say to your family in a situation like this? I wonder what Harry said, he was probably a lot better than me. He has a way with words.

There's a lot of things I wanted to write down, things like asking them why they never saw me as one of them, or why they treat me like more of a maid than their daughter. I didn't say any of that though, maybe it'll work in my favour that way.

Maybe they'll stay up at night wondering what the final straw was, what was the last thing to send me over the edge. Or perhaps they'll read the letter and be thankful that I'm gone. Either way, I'm not sure it's something I want to think about too much.

I wrote my letter, left it on the table and that was it. There was nothing else for me to do besides wait for Harry. I'm excited, so excited I can barely even sit still. I even found myself trying to make myself look nicer so that when he comes he'll think I'm pretty. I don't know, love makes people crazy and I'm definitely realising that now.