Coffee & Cigarettes

Part 18

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"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

― George Bernard Shaw

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It's kinda funny how you can feel like you know someone and yet they can still find a way to surprise you.

Whether it be disappointing you in ways you never imagined or making you happy in a way you didn't think was possible anymore.

Or maybe the truth is you never really knew that person as well as you thought.

I used to think surprises were bad, but maybe they aren't. Not all of them at least. Surprises just give you a chance to see and make sense of things you refused to notice sooner.

"We're going to hang out at Devon's after school," Michael said suddenly as he leaned against the locker next to mine.

His arms crossed and his short curly blonde hair fell slightly into his eyes.

"Cool, have fun with that," I mumbled as I looked away from him.

He sighed. "You should come."

I slammed my locker shut. Why now? Why did he suddenly want to remember that we were supposed to be friends?

Before I could tell him no he quickly began to speak, "We miss you, Dan. Things haven't been the same without you."

"Then why did you guys ditch me?" I asked bitterly. As much as I wanted an answer a part of me didn't want to know.

What if they had realized what I'd known all along, I wasn't worth being friends with.

"Honestly? We were adjusting. We didn't know if you wanted us around or how to act around you after everything that happened last year. Levi felt so guilty about everything that he started counseling. And Devon and I... felt... I felt like we failed you. Like how the fuck did we miss what was going on with you? If we had been better friends-" he rambled softly. His voice grew shakier with each word spoken.

"I don't blame you guys." I cut him off. How could they think that any of what happened was their fault?

Michael looked confused for a moment before speaking again, "So you don't hate us?"

"Not more than usual." I tried to joke but it just sounded flat.

Still, Michael smiled. His dimpled cheeks stretched into a large goofy grin.

"Good, so you'll come tonight? Imma ride over with Levi, but you'll meet us there?" He asked happily.

I couldn't stop my smile from matching his.

As angry as I wanted to be with the guys, I couldn't find myself to be mad. I missed them.

I missed feeling normal. I missed what my life used to be.

"Sure," I agreed. He smiled at me once more before turning and running away down the hall. A small skip in his step.

I sighed. I slowly walked toward the art room.

As much as I wanted to hang out with the guys again, I was nervous.

I stopped as I got to Mr. Schindler's classroom door before lightly knocking on it.

Schindler looked up before waving me to come in with a smile crossing his face as he noticed it was me.

"Come in," he called excitedly. "Was there something you needed? Did you want to do your homework here or maybe start a new art project? You're always welcome to come by and chat or work in the studio with me." He offered.