Healing

36.

"Yes, I remember," I say as I sit down on my bed and grab a pillow to hold. The feeling I had earlier was returning.

"Great, I hope you're doing well." Although his words are nice, I can hear the grimness in his voice.

"Ya I'm feeling so much better now, the doctors say I should be fully recovered soon," I try to lift the tension.

"Thats great. Amazing actually. I actually had an update about your case and the motivation behind the attack. I've went through the surveillance camera multiple times now," I can hear him click his mouse, probably navigating to the footage on his computer. "It's really strange. The whole entire street was empty. The face of the instigator is completely blocked out and I can't seem to find any record of the car license so the one thing we do know is that it wasn't a hit and run. It was deliberate."

"For what reason? Or is this a dead end?" my voice trembles slightly. This whole situation was sending chills down my spine.

"No, definitely not a dead end. I have one lead for now. There have been multiple cases of things like this happening recently. All of these people have different backgrounds, different nationalities, different pasts, different genders. But the one thing common in all is that they're easily identifiable as muslim. I think the motivation may be a religious one." Again, his voice has turned grim and monotone.

And that's when it all set in. That underlying notion that I had been trying to hide in the back of my mind since the moment I had landed here.

I had heard of incidents like these happening here, although I had never seen them in person. Islamaphobia was something I had to deal with growing up so it wasn't that surprising. But was it really religion that would prompt someone to try and basically kill someone at their own extent? My head was starting to hurt. "That's..."

I didn't have any other words to say. Nothing was coming out so the conversation turned into silence until Alan cleared his throat.

"I know, it's horrible. I am trying my best here with my team. Anything new, I'll be sure to contact you right away," he sighs.

We say our formalities and then end the phone call.

Was this actually happening?

Your gut never lies.

I sigh and burry my face into my pillow as I slowly move underneath my blanket.

The thing that was getting me was the fact that I wasn't the only one. If I was, then it would have made this situation a little bit better.

But it wasn't.

So many muslims have to deal with islamaphobia throughout their life, wether verbal or physical. Although most of my memories from my younger years were blurry and fading,I could still vividly remember the first time it had happened to me. I was nine.

Did I really want to raise a child in this environment? How would I ever have a feeling of security that I could let my child be in public spaces when I couldn't even guarantee that feeling of security for myself?

Razan, Ilaria, and I had talked of starting a protest for the cause only a few weeks ago and the reality now seemed so much urgent. We had heard stories of others getting their hijabs pulled and getting verbally assaulted in passing but we never lingered on them for too long for too many memories would resurface, the hard time trying to repress them would be gone.

I would talk to them about it tomorrow but it would definitely have to be held after the wedding as it was coming up very soon.

I run my hands through my hair. I would get through this, I always did.

And soon I would have someone else by my side to help me through it all.

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Salam guys! idk if adding this reason behind the attack was random, but it's something that i've wanted to do since I started this book. I want to show how islamaphobia has shaped so many of our lives especially because it's rarely portrayed in general media (such as books) i hope it wasn't too random, I'm definitely going to go back once editing to add more hints to this since I don't think I led up to this as properly as I should have (although I did add some throughout).

To those asking "why can't they just have a happy marriage and we can end it here" i want this book to be realistic, not only of my life but for others, nothing is all rainbows and sunshine. That being said, wedding is coming very very soon ;)

also it's spring break so get ready i finally have free time

Word Count: 1,250

Date Posted: 4/18/2022