Healing

18.

I like you. And when I say that I mean truly. Your being, your soul.

His words ring in my ear.

Did that actually happen? "Ahmed please slap me, I think I'm dreaming."

My brother looked at me, annoyance evident on his face. "Cyra, we've been over this. It happened yesterday. I was there. It definitely isn't a dream. Do these eye bags look fake to you?"

I look closely at his face. "How am I supposed to know. Dreams can be vivid. And that sort of sounds like something I would dream of you saying."

"Are you sure you want me to slap you because my slaps hurt," he remarks as he gets off of my bed.

"Ok not that hard. Maybe pinch me or—OW." I yelp as his palm meets my neck. I turn to face my brother as I feel the sting set in. "Did you really have to neck me?"

"Yes I had to. You dragged me out of bed and made me lose precious sleep time so I could watch your little Malay lover boy basically pre-propose to you." His voice is bitter as he stares me in the eyes.

"Stop being a grumpy old man."

"Cyra, Wallahi if that man doesn't go through with his promise I will personally take part in his reunion with Allah."

"While you're on that try to stop being so dramatic. He's not going to Ahmed. Why would he have you there when he asked if I would-" I stop mid sentence, not being able to get the words out.

He laughs. "We'll see. I'm going back to sleep."

I watch as he stalks back into his room and locks the door.

He was currently in doing his residency and had long hours and late nights. It left him little to no time to socialize outside of his career life and highly sleep deprived.

"Do you want Chai," I call after him. I felt bad.

I wait for a response but all I hear is the thump of him hitting his bed.

Well, that was a nice attempt at preoccupying your thoughts.

I close my door and sit in front of my mirror. The girl that was staring back at me now had a flushed face and happy eyes.

That had actually happened. It hadn't set in yet.

Never in a million years would I have believed that this would happen to me of all people. When had he even started liking me?

Did I even deserve all of this? My life was going so good right now. It was surreal.

It felt fake.

What if I didn't deserve this? What if this was going to be snatched out my hand right at the last moment?

What if-

Girl stop. You're killing the moment.

But what if I didn't? It was a valid question.

There were hundreds of other girls who would have been a better fit for him. Girls prettier, girls more religious, girls that didn't have baggage and overthink every thing.

But here I was. I had won without even trying.

He deserved better didn't he? Would I even be able to reach up to his standards>

God, I was so lucky.

Wasn't I supposed to be happy?

Wasn't I supposed to be smiling?

What happened to the feelings I had a few moments ago?

Where did it all go?

These questions swirl around in my head when I hear a thump from downstairs. Keeping the thoughts at bay was usually an easy task. Practice had helped me figure out that all I had to do was change my focus to something else entirely.

Sometimes it was changing my train of thought. Sometimes it was focusing on my surroundings.

I focus on the sound. My mom has probably dropped something while she was cleaning.

I sigh and look at myself again.

My cheeks still held a hint of rose, but the light in my eyes had visibly dimmed. 

Just because I hadn't experienced this until now didn't mean I didn't deserve it. It just mean I was finally getting what I deserved.

I always tried my best to be the best person I could be.

That's right.

There was no reason to think about things that don't matter.

I deserved this. I had every right to be happy.

I look at my phone and something ticks inside my head.

I had to tell my mom. And Ilaria and Razan. How had I forgotten?

Of course my father hadn't accepted yet, but there was no reason for him to say no.

I was thankful that both of my parents were logical and reasonable.

I was deterred from my thoughts as I hear a car pull up into the driveway. It was time already?

I smile as I see Omar get out of his car.

Looks like I could talk to him again.

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A.N I hope this adds some insight in the world of Cyra's mind and the problems she faces

Question: What do you think happened in her past that turned her into the person she is?

Word count: 754

Date Posted: 02/19/2022
Edited and reposted: 2/20/2022