Healing

25.

I pant heavily as I put down my weights. My phone was buzzing.

I pick it up and sure enough it was Hasan.

"Bro, I'm just waiting for him. He's talking to some people right now."

"It feels like I've been waiting for your call for forever."

"It's only been a few hours."

"A lot of time for me," I sigh and wipe my face with a cloth.

"I have a slight question while we wait. Why exactly did you ask her to wait for you? You aren't the type of person that would do something like that."

"I already told you, I'm trying to get back into the flow of things after what happened with my cousin and--"He cuts me off and finishes my sentence.

"'And you don't think now if this is the best time.' I know."

"Exactly," I say.

I hear him start pacing the room he's in. " That was a very bad attempt at a lie. What's the real reason."

"There isn't anything," I tell him.

"But there is. Lying is a sin you know that?" he prods further.

"There isn't anything," I say again, this time firmer.

"Whatever you want to tell yourself mate. But that isn't going to take away any of the truth."

I sigh. He was always so...right. How could he tell even over the phone.

"Ok, so what? I'm slightly worried that she's going to be disappointed when we actually live together."

I hear him stop pacing on the other end. "Bro I've known you for all of my life and at one point I basically lived with you. You're fine. You'll be fine."

"You don't understand," I shake my head.

"Then explain."

"From a religious aspect I'm still trying to get myself under control again. What if her view of me changes when she sees I'm struggling?"

"We all struggle with Islam. Even Cyra. That's what makes us human. Allah made us to sin and to repent," he reminds me.

Yes he was right that Allah has created mankind imperfect. Yes, Allah preferred a believer that sinned and repented over a believer that never sinned at all.

"But Is it really so wrong to want her to see the best in me?" I say aloud.

"I mean I'm not married or anything but nothing seems wrong with that, but isn't it the point of a marriage though? To grow together as people and help better each other," he says.

"I guess."

"InshaAllah, you're going to be living together for the rest of your lives. The only thing that's going to be keeping your two from fully knowing each other is time. She'll know everything about you one day."

He did have a point. "But what if it turns out I'm not enough for her."

"Bro, do you pray 5 times a day?"

"Yes."

"Do you pay your zakat every year?"

"Yes."

"Do you fast all of Ramadan?"

"Yes."

"Then you're doing the bare minimum Allah expects of you. On top of that you have extensive knowledge on Islam, you're a hifz, an Alim, you're enough," he sounded exasperated.

"You don't understand. What's the point of all of these credentials if I don't act upon them?"

I can hear him sighing on the other end. "We fast on Mondays and Thursdays together, there's one Sunnah you follow. You pray Tahajjud most mornings and you've lead prayer at the Masjid a few times in the past month. You're trying your hardest right now to become better. What's there to worry about? Imagine if she was there with you today. Or even if you guys were together, but in different places. Wouldn't you be able to call her? She would be there to help you."

I think over what he said. "That is true. I think it's this insecure feeling inside of me that's preventing me from doing it right now."

"There's always a solution for everything. Oh! Sheikh is done, I'm walking to him right now. We can talk about your situation"

Would it be better to do it now rather than later? When I was ready.

But when would any of us truly be ready for anything?

I here the voice of my mentor and basically my second father. I explain the situation to him, and he's quiet all throughout, not interrupting me until I'm finished talking.

"And you're sure the only reason your father is saying no is because of her ethnicity? That he has no ulterior reasons that would make sense?"

"I'm sure. He was very open to the idea of her until I mentioned she wasn't Malaysian."

"The best thing to do in a situation where a mans parents don't agree to the marriage is to listen to them and reconcile with your father, but I'm sure you would have tried if he would listen to you."

"He's really...stubborn." I didn't know any way to change his mind.

"As a man you're able to do marry her without your parents consent, as long as her wali agrees. And as you say, she is a woman of great character and religion. The choice is all yours."

But what was I supposed to choose? I want to marry her. But what would that mean for my father? "I'm really confused on what to do. I want her but what about my father?"

"I know. And I'm sorry that your father is acting this way. If you want me to, I can talk to him."

"Jazak Allah Khair, but no. His mind is set. I don't think anyone can change it now." But was there really no way?

"Maybe once he meets her he'll have a change of mind? I've seen that happen before."

Maybe that could happen. I mean, who wouldn't be able to fall in love with her personality. "Maybe. Please make Dua and thank you again."

"Of course. And don't forget to invite me to the wedding" he laughs.

"InshAllah Sheikh."

Now, I had a choice to make. My heart knew the answer, but I think my brain wanted to be able to be a bit more logical.

Little did I know, when it comes to love, the brain becomes all but useless.

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PRESS STAR BUTTONNN thx *blushes*

Guys I literally felt so sick last night pray for me

word count: 839

Date Posted: 02/25/2022