Checkmate// Hyunlix FF// Complete

Chapter Nineteen: Fed Up

(I am so done with this book tbh. You can blame itssimplykpop for this. Her story broke my heart. I'm done with these two boys. I'm angry at them. AND YET I KEEP WRITING THIS SHEEEEEET~)

I looked at Felix as huge tears kept falling from his sorrowful eyes. He'd gone through my phone?

"L-Lix I was angry!" I tried to defend myself, but it sounded kind of pathetic as I said it aloud. In reality what I had done was way out of line. But I hadn't meant it.

"So your arrival wasn't a mistake?" He shouted. "And nothing we shared was real? I told you everything. I-I-" He couldn't get anymore words out. His already swollen, bloodshot and bruised eyes simply closed. He hid his face in his hands and curled into an almost perfect ball.

"Lix, listen to me." I demanded. I knew I had no right, but I needed him to hear me. I reached out to touch him and he caught my wrist. His fingers were tight, and he squeezed harder. I was beginning to feel a pinching pain, and thought he may actually snap my wrist at any second.

"Why should I? You promised me Chris knew nothing. You told him everything. Am I just a joke to you?" He asked. He threw my hand away and hugged his knees tightly to his chest. He banged his head against them and I didn't know what to do for the best.

Why was I such a fuck up with Lix?

I walked into the small, dingy kitchen and slammed my fist against the marble counter. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. I needed to calm down. I quickly began throwing open all of the cupboards, and nearly taking some of the doors off of their flimsy hinges in the process.

There it was. The best sight for sore eyes. I grabbed the bottle of half empty murky coloured vodka and began chugging it down. It burned, and my body desperately tried to gag, but I continued swallowing it. I wanted it to hurt, I wanted to do worse to myself.

Why did I keep hurting him? I slammed the now empty bottle against the marble and the noise echoed around me.

Why was this happening? It felt like some cruel author was narrating my life and I had no control over what wicked thing they would write next. If I could find them, I would kill them. (👀)

Unfortunately, it was just me. Fucking up over and over again. Hurting him worse each time I did. I quickly walked out of the kitchen and ignored Lix. He was in no state to listen to me. He wouldn't be for a long time. I grabbed my phone and my keys and headed for the large wooden door.

"That's right. You fucking coward. Run away as usual." His voice was cold, and his demeanour was worse. He was sat now, and his lips, the lips I craved, were pursed tightly.

"Is there anything I can do to make this better?" I asked. I turned around and leaned against the solid oak door that separated me from freedom, and this situation.

"No."

"So what's the point in staying? We're only gonna argue. To be honest Lix, I'm done with the arguing. I can't handle anymore." The leather sofa creaked as he stood. He smoothed down his jumper and used the soft cuff to wipe his runny button nose.

"And you think I want to argue?" He asked.

"At this point Lix. It kinda feels like it. You went through my phone and expected to find nice things after everything that's happened recently?" I threw my hands up and let them slap down against my legs.

"You arranged, with that, that fucking prick to hurt me. Then arranged to blow my life up. Why? Because I wanted you and couldn't say anything?" The deep pools of chocolate brown, he called eyes, were fogged with watery tears again and I couldn't help tearing up myself.

"And how was I supposed to know? Can you stop being so wrapped up in your own drama for two seconds to realise what you've been putting me through?" My patience was on a hairpin and I was about to lose it. He approached me and jabbed a small finger into my toned chest hard.

"And that makes up for this does it?" He gestured to his broken face, and that was the final straw. I grabbed his wrist and slammed his arm, and with it his soft body, into the cold hard wall behind him. He tried to push me off, but years of fighting had made me much stronger than him. I grabbed his other wrist and pinned his arms above his head with one of my hands.

"You seem to be forgetting one important fact here Lix." I practically shouted. I could feel his hot breath as he panted and wriggled, trying to escape my grasp.

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" His deep voice echoed around the room and he glared at me as tears began falling.

"YOU HURT ME TOO!" I pushed myself away from the wall and released his hands. I turned away from him and stared at the plain wall opposite.

"I-I know I did." He mumbled. His whole demeanour and attitude had changed in an instant.

"The difference being, I didn't know what I had done. I was trying to be the best friend I could, and you pushed me out of your life. I didn't know about your feelings, you were crystal clear on mine."

"Jinn-"

"So tell me Lix, why is it wrong of me to want you to feel my pain? I know I shouldn't have done the things I did, but you saw the other messages. I tried to stop him. I told him not to, and then I nearly killed myself to get here and make sure he didn't hurt you."

"Jinn-"

"And to top it off, when I thought we had an honest conversation, you lied to me. You didn't say a damn word about your Mom. Why is it, I'm the one always in the wrong?" I turned as tears began falling and stared at him. He was frozen like a statue, looking at me.

"Jinnie-"

"Why is it, I forgive you every time you do something that tears my heart to shreds," I clawed at my chest. My heart felt like it was ready to burst. "But I always look past your mistakes. Every. Damn. Time." My knees gave out and I collapsed to the floor in a heap. My fingers clawed at the soft carpet and the only sound to be heard was the loud dripping of my tears as they hit the carpet.

"Can I speak now?" He asked quietly. I shrugged and stared down at the brown stain in front of me. Someone had clearly spilled a drink here, and it had not been cleaned.

"Sure." I mumbled.

"I-Im... Jinnie. You're right." It was like someone had zapped me with a tazer. Of all the things that could have come out of his mouth, I didn't expect it to be that.

"So why, why are you holding me to this perfect standard Lix? You know I'm a scumbag at best. I can't be this perfect boyfriend you think you want."

"Because," I saw his knees come into view. Then his chest, and then his face. His perfect, swollen, face. "I'm scared I'm not enough for you Jinnie." His eyes exuded sincerity and I frowned.

"That shit needs to stop." I said flatly.

"I know." He replied quietly.

"You don't get to choose what's best for me Lix. Or what I think is enough. That's my job." I stated. He nodded and frowned at me.

"I'm sorry Jinnie. I'm sorry I went through your phone too. I wanted to know what was going on with Gracey and you. But I had no right." He said softly.

Shit. I had forgotten all about that.

I hadn't even warned him! The house was a mess and we had no time left.

"Fuck!" I said suddenly as I sprang back up to my feet. He looked bewildered and his eyes searched the room for my sudden shift in energy.

"We have to go!"

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Word count: 1367

What do you think Gracey said that has got Hyunjin so worked up?

Also... whose side are you on? Hyunjin's or Lix's or neither (like me)

I promise to cool it with the angst... soon. 😏

Happy Reading.

ILYSM