Daughter of Time

July 1536

The rewards for my submission come thick and fast.

Former acquaintances call at Hatfield bringing trinkets and tokens of friendship. Servants previously of my household write to me expressing a hope to be taken back into my service. I dare not accept them. I instruct them to address their requests to the king. It would do me no good to risk so much, only to offend His Majesty.

Secretary Cromwell, who once dared to scold me and called me obstinate for refusing to sacrifice my honor sends me a letter full of praise for acquiescing to the King's will and gifts me a present of a fine horse so that my health may benefit from riding.

I also receive a visit from Lord Morley, the father of Lady Rochford, the harlot's sister by marriage. Quite what I was expecting from him, I cannot be certain. Distaste perhaps, repugnance even. But to my surprise, I rather take to him. He shows himself to be a man of true faith. Kind and generous for he too comes bearing gifts. A lovely gown of tawny velvet set with pearls. But best of all, he brings permission from the King to leave Hatfield allowing me to remove to Hunsdon, with a detachment of the servants.

At last, I am free of my gaoler, Lady Shelton. However chastened she has been towards me since her return from the Tower, I will not forget the treatment I have had from her. The memory of that dreadful day in January when she broke the news of my mother's death, so cold and unfeeling, will stay with me forever. Until I entered this house I had never known such cruelty. When I think of the girl that I was when I first arrived at Hatfield, I know I am leaving changed. My eyes have been opened to the fickleness of peoples loyalty. I am no longer naive enough to trust in the honor of every man. Indeed loyalty is as rare as the most precious gems.

I feel a little tearful as I bid Elizabeth farewell. Against all my expectations, I have developed an affection for this precocious little girl. This child I once thought I could only resent has become so dear to me, I fancy I love her. The poor child cannot understand what is happening around her. For not only am I to leave, but her household has changed dramatically since her mother's death. She is no longer attended by scores of flighty young Howard girls, but respectable older ladies of other noble houses. Elizabeth does not take to people easily, and so prefers to remain with Lady Bryan and I.

Her education has changed also. The lessons on statecraft have been stripped from her curriculum and instead focuses on the need for virtuousness. A fitting lesson to learn, should she ever learn the truth about her mothers' depravity. I can leave Hatfield confident that my sister will not grow to emulate her mothers' depraved behavior.

It is only now, within the walls at Hunsdon, do I realize how close I have come to losing everything, including my life. I should be glad to still be alive. Free from the denigration I suffered at Hatfield. I should be pleased to wear beautiful new clothes once again and I dare say the girl that I once was would have been glad to. But as I look upon the gown given to me by Lord Morley, and think of my new horse from Secretary Cromwell, I cannot help but think of them as tainted by my own weakness and fear of death. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I have done. Though God knows it was done under only under the threat of death. I pray he will forgive me for my cowardice. I pray every day for his mercy and for the strength to live my life on this new path I have made for myself. But I know that even if our Lord can. I cannot forgive myself.

An usher in the Kings' livery interrupts my musings to tell me that Queen Janes brother, Sir Edward Seymour is here! I do not know this man by sight. All I know of him is that he is the eldest of the Queens' brothers, and husband of my childhood friend Anne Stanhope, who grew up with me at Ludlow before being placed in my mothers' service. It is a tall and imposing man who walks into the hall. Well built, with brown hair and beard. He seems to be a man who imposes authority and garners respect.