Dalliance

Chapter 38

"Huh?"

Moonbyul was beyond astounded, her heart clenching in a way that can be classified as sorrow and torturous pain. Her knees were trembling in both fear and confusion and she felt like she'd be out of balance if she dared to move any bit of muscle. Her mind was telling her to ask if this was just one of yongsun's pranks or a game she thought was fun to try.. but the way those precious tears fall from her delicate eyes, moonbyul knows this nightmare is true to life.

The way they had fun wandering around the amusement park, the way they held hands when the roller coaster went up, the way Yongsun stole a glance and laughed at her every time she screamed on top of her lungs, all of those moments.. moonbyul thought they were doing just fine.

Was it all for nothing? Was it all a facade?

"Byul--"

"I-I thought we were doing fine. I thought we were happy. We were having a good time, and we went to the amusement park—"

Moonbyul stops halfway through her speech when reality hits her like a bullet. The breath she didn't know she was holding slowly comes out of her nose, but the pain in her heart still remains.

"That's... is that why you forced me to go.. b-because you know this will be our last night together?"

Yongsun lowered her head and muffled sobs escaped from her shaking body. Her hands which were placed on top of the table clenched the white cloth as if she was trying to find something to hold onto. She doesn't have to say or prove anything, just the way she cries is enough for byul's statement to appear accurate.

"Wow.. I mean, o-okay." Moonbyul voiced out but didn't move an inch to do anything. What can she do anyway? Run out of the restaurant like some teenager rejected by her crush? Or comfort yongsun even if she's dying inside too? Or be brave and face the problem like what she would always do?

Of course, none of those. She just wanted to die and disappear in an instant.

"I-I'm sorry."

Another arrow was stabbed in her chest, breaking her heart into a million tiny pieces just by hearing yongsun apologize. She doesn't know why, but the sound of yongsun's apology is like it's the end for them already.

Moonbyul wants to plead and ask yongsun to choose her, but she needs to let go, she needs to accept her decision just like she promised. She already did her best to win her heart, even risking everything to change her recklessness. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to get the woman she dreamed of being with.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. It's just.. surprising, maybe."

"Byul, it's not that you don't matter to me. You know how much you mean to me. I like you, but it's not enough for me to choose you. I still love eric."

I still love eric.

That's a punch straight to moonbyul's gut. It was giving her nausea. Her body feels light and she felt like fainting.

Moonbyul can't help but curse inwardly.

I should have known.

"I.. understand."

Moonbyul's voice barely came out of her mouth. There's this huge brick in the middle of her throat that can't be gone even if she tries to swallow it, not letting her express herself thoroughly. She's kind of thankful for its existence if she should be honest, because as long as it was there, the sob she'd been holding wouldn't come out and embarrass her further.

Though it's suffocating.

Despite the excruciating pain that was slowly eating her alive, moonbyul managed to walk closer to yongsun, stood beside her silently and touched her hand for the very last time. The electricity she always felt when holding the woman was still there, sending tingling sensations all throughout her body and soul. But she needs to let it go before it can convert to higher voltage and potentially kill her.