Dalliance

Chapter 35

Yongsun

A month.

Moonbyul only gave me a month to choose between her and eric and until now I still can't figure out who I desire to be with.

It's been two weeks since that camping trip and after that, I feel like I wasn't myself when I got home. I always mess up, and couldn't quite get things right even with just a simple task.

One time, I was making Eric's morning coffee and instead of putting sugar, I accidentally put salt in his cup. He always asks me if I'm feeling okay or if I feel sick, but I always say I'm fine, because I really am. My body is fine, and I'm not dying; it's just that my stupid mind, especially my heart, is torn about a lot of things. I'm just thankful that until now, Eric was oblivious to my dirty deeds. 

I spent every night watching eric sleep and silently asked myself how I felt towards this person. Do I still love him? Do I still see him with me in the future, holding our child and playing in the sand by the seashore? Do I choose him?

I look back at our memories from when we started dating. How he did everything to win my heart despite the fact that I always say I'm not interested in dating. How he always wait by the shed every afternoon to walk me home. How he annoys me every opportunity he has just to make me say yes when he asks me on a date. And most importantly, how he made me fall in love with his insane method of courtship in the span of a year.

I look back on it all and I felt my heart beating for him.. but I know it's not the same as before.
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I went inside the cafe where we usually hang out on weekends or when we're bored and bought 3 strawberry frappes for takeout. I decided to visit wheein and hyejin for today because for heaven's sake, I need a distraction from all of this disaster.

I want to call moonbyul and ask if she's free to hang out with me, but I know it won't help me decide either if I get too attached to her. Besides, we already hung out yesterday. I think I should probably let her work because as much as I remember, I heard jennie calling her yesterday, cursing at her boss asking where the hell she was.

So my always to-go place besides the library is my friend's apartment. I hate to admit it, but I need their annoying faces to entertain my screwed up life.

Holding the take out in my other hand, I pressed the doorbell and waited for a second before Hyejin opened the door with a straight face while examining me from head to toe. I usually grin or roll my eyes as a greeting. However, this time, I'm not in the mood to be playful. I just gave her a faint smile and stepped inside without waiting for any permission.

"You look like hell." Hyejin chortled, shaking her head with amusement, and plopped back on the couch.

I'm aware that I definitely look awfully shit. I barely slept for almost two weeks. My eyebags are visible and I feel like I'm a soulless motherfucker who's living a dead life. Can you visualize a person who's so done with their life? Yeah, please visualize me.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, hyejin."

I dropped the box of pizza and the frappe on the table, my head wandering left and right trying to find a certain pup. Hyejin told me wheein is in the bathroom doing her thing. I nod, dropping myself beside her and instantly wrapping my arms around her waist with my head resting on her shoulder. I rarely show affection to my friends, and when I do, they know I need some comfort.

"Did something happen? Did eric hurt you? Moonbyul? Come on, tell me who to assassinate."

The protective hyejin snapped, pausing her noontime TV show just to look at me with full attention. Her eyebrows furrow in anger and I know that if I announced someone's name, she would stand up and grab her weapon to kill that person.