Tattoos (A phan fic)

Chapter 15

(Dan's POV)

TRIGGER WARNING

Phil pounds on the door and screams my name, but I ignore all his pleas. I drag my blade across my wrist for a fifth time, staring at the deep wounds.

"Dan! Please open the door! Are you okay?!!" He tries to push against it.

I silently get up, my blood staining my carpet, and grab my allergy pills on my dresser. I sit back down, and silently pour the contents from the bottle onto the floor.

I see a blade follow the pills, and I remember when my depression was worse and I had hid my razor. I was so smart.

"Phil I'm sorry." I say in a weak voice.

"Dan?! Don't be sorry! Its my fault, one hundred percent me! Please get out of there!!!"

I shiver at the thought of him seeing me so cut up, so bloody and gross. But the thought of me being wrapped in his warm arms comforts me.

No. He cheated on me. He broke my heart. He's probably kissed Chris! Maybe even cuddled, or even slept together! How do I know he wasn't with Chris while I was getting my job?

"Fuck you, Phil!" I scream at the door, throwing the pills back into the bottle.

"I'm sorry," his weak voice trails off, and his loud sobs start to fill the house.

I drag the razor across my skin, wincing as it gets deeper than I meant to. I deserve this, every bit of this pain. I failed Phil as a boyfriend, that's why he cheated. He hasn't broken up with me yet, I'll do it myself.

"Phil you don't deserve me! I want-" my voice cracks, "I don't want to be with you anymore!"

"Dan don't do this to me," he scratches at the door.

"You deserve Chris. Go to him, I was never good enough for you."

"Dan I broke up with him! I told him I never loved him! I love you, and I always will. Please!!!"

"PHIL I SAID I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU." I scream, making my throat and heart ache.

All I can hear are his loud sobs afterwards, and him falling to the ground. He tries to make up words, but they come out as squeals and murmurs.

My heart breaks at every attempted plea of his, but I stand my ground, adding a cut onto my blood covered wrist.

After hours, he falls asleep next to my door. I never leave my room, I just contemplate whether or not I should jump out of my window. I never clean my wounds or put my blades away, I actually continue to add a cut every now and then.

I want to tell him I love him, I forgive him, I don't want to break up with him, but I can't do that. I need him to know what he's done will have a dark effect on the both of us.

I fall asleep at 2:00am, and Phil stays in front of my door the whole night.

At 10:00am, I drag myself from the warmth of my covers and throw a jumper on. When I open my door, Phil is no longer there, and as I search the house, I find that he isn't anywhere in our flat.

I head back to my room, falling asleep under the sanctuary that I like to call my duvet.

"See, Dan! I've told you over and over that he loved me!"

Chris kicks my side, making me curl up in a ball.