The force within. (Under Edditing)

chapter 23: The force within pt. 1

---Oceana's P.O.V---

Its all my falt. I didnt make it in time, ezra is in this position because of me. Stupid bucketheads. I mean why did they shoot him anyway he's just a kid. It confuses me, and angers me but I can't show him that.

I heard the door to kanan's room close wih a faint swoshing sound. Man, I hate doing that. Seriously its horrible having to send someone away from someone who is injured but its for his own good. He cant see him well, if he....

Never mind.

My train of thought was suddenly inturpted by hera tapping my shoulder " Oceana, can you help me out please?" Turning around I stopped and nodded. "Sure, its better than beating my self up for not comming in sooner, I... I.... " I put my hand in front of my mouth and sighed. Hera put her hand on my shoulder and started to lead me into her cabin where she sat me on her bed. "Hey, it's not your fault, you have to understand that when it mattered you came in and helped us. You being caught up wasn't a planed thing. You had no idea how long it was going to take." I felt tears build up in my eyes. "Please don't beat your self up for this, it's not your fault, I promise you that. " Holding back tears try as I might didn't have an effect as I felt a single tear slide down the right side of my face.

With this I broke.

More tears streamed down my face as I put my face in my hands and sobbed. I felt like i had two people talking to me at once, hera comforting me on my right. And the voice in the back o my head that has been brought to light. The one that no one wants to listen to. But is forced to. The guilt. The guilt is what gets everyone eventually.

Its a fact of reality, a reminder of our mortality. Of how no-one can live forever how no-one is safe. Hera says everythig will be alright but can she really say that. When there's to much at stake.

People describe me as a strong character someone who can keep here emotions in check all the time. But what they don't know. What they now need to know is how. How I am able to keep my emotions so steady, so relaxed.

The simple answer is that I don't associate with anyone. Make no attachments then don't have to feel the pain. But I guess the cover story that I work with. My whole background change. Its difficult to keep up with. Keeping up the appearance of a peraon that my enemies fear. And for a good reason at that. I mean I have done so much in my life that I don't want people to know. But I fear that if I don't tell them soon then it might be to late to change my ways. But Hera, Hera's good at it. From what I can see but I dont know how.

"Hera how can you be so sure. How do you keep calm in a situation like this. I mean you are so... so... relaxed. "
" I don't know Oceana. But what i do know if that you need to get some sleep. I will look after ezra tonight, ok. "

All I could do was nod as I made my way to mine and sabines cabbin. I went to the top bunk and rest my head. Looking towards the ceiling as I waited for sleep to come.

---Time skip---

Alright, its official. When I think someone is well... Nevermind I cant sleep. I sat up and crept out of the room and made my way to the kitchen. 'Yeah, a drink wil clear my head.' Grabing a cup from the shelf I filled it with water and drunk it. Puttig it down on the side I sat down at the table and grabbed my lightsaber from my belt. I guess I never take this one off. Trust issues, or safety Issues. I don't really know.

But I so engrossed in thought that I didn't hear the door open for a second time.

---Hera's P.O.V---

I found Oceana in the kitchen as I walk in to get a glass of water. "Hey." I hear a weak acknowledgement of me entering the room. "How are you feeling Oceana?" I smile as I sit opposite her at the table. She looked up at me then down again. "I've been better." Poor girl. I move my hand to her shoulder. "He'll be alright soon. I'm sure of it. Just get some rest now please." She got up and started to move but to no avail.

"I...I cant. I said to kanan that I'd keep an eye on him while he got some rest. I wont go on my word, not when I already tried to once." I gave her a confused look. "I know how important it is to a jedi to keep their promises to each other. Do you want to go check on him now then. As we have nothing better to do." I received no reply from her. "Hello?"

" My ship went down
In a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone I had everything:
A handful of moments I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade." She paused and waited. Looking towards me wih hope that I would continue.

"In a city of fools,
I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart like a hurricane...
A handful of moments I wished I could change
But I was carried away." She continued with the first part o the chorus.

"Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything."

"Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery."

"My lungs gave out
As I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I'm flesh and bone,
I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delirious."

"Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything."

"Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can take back your misery."

"Arrogant boy,
Love yourself so no one has to.
They're better off without you."

"They're better off without you."

"Arrogant boy,
Cause a scene like you're supposed to."

"They'll fall asleep without you.
You're lucky if your memory remains."

"Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything."

"Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can take back your misery."

"Therapy...
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything."

"Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can choke on your misery."

She suddenly burst into tears again as she placed her head on the table. "Hera I don't like people seeig me like this. Can you go please? To check on ezra or somethig I just don't want you to see me like this, I dont want anybody to see me like this." I tried to talk some sense into her but she pushed me away. Sighing I made my way to the med bay. But I wasn't prepared for what I saw next....

Surprise! Ha, you thought this was going to be a full chapter but no. I wanted to make this carry over. As I feel like I can make very good cliff hangers so yeah. I used a song in this and it is called Therapy, by All Time Low. I used it because I felt like it is a very fitting song for the situation that our heroes are in. But what will happen in the second half. Is Ezra alive? Is he dead? Is he going to die? Well I don't know and you dont so we will have to see where the writing takes me. Wait and see what happens next. So sorry you have to wait. But untill then. Good bye.

Major