—
taehyung feels his heart racing. his hands gripping the stirring wheel a little too tight and his shoulder a little too tense. he wants to be there already, jungkook seemed very upset and he wants to be there for him.
when he finally arrives he sees jungkook stood at the corner of his street. he checks his mirrors before pulling over and halting. jungkook immediately gets in and taehyung understands they need to go somewhere. away from here, away from whatever made him feel like this.
so he drives, no idea of where they're going yet but just away.
jungkook is silent, he doesn't speak about what upset him. taehyung doesn't need him to but he'd like to know if there's anything he could do to help. to lift some of his worries, to make him feel a little more at ease.
"anywhere you wanna go?" he asks, the tension slowly easing from his muscles. jungkook is still upset but at least he's here with him. safe and hopefully soon also feeling better.
"i don't know."
he nods his head before deciding for himself where they'll go. he doesn't have a spot he used to go often, nor a spot he feels at ease. but he knows there's one place where they could at least speak privately.
maybe he rushes a little, which he shouldn't do but his priorities are elsewhere.
when they arrive he parks, a little unsure if this really was the right place to go but this is the best he could do. jungkook looks up but doesn't show any response to where they are.
they get out and into the restaurant. he orders a private room and when they're seated he looks for something to say.
"god, i was starving. i wanna order too much."
jungkook frowns before finally speaking up. "haven't you eaten today?"
"i ate a banana for breakfast but i didn't—"
"order! you do a dance minor, your body needs nutrients. you know what." jungkook takes the menu from him. "i'm ordering you everything you want."
"huh? that's not needed."
"it's fine i'll pay. you should take care of your body."
taehyung smiles. his best guess would be that jungkook needs this right now. to feel like an alpha, to feel like the one charge."
"you're right." he says. "can you order for me?"
jungkook looks at him wide eyed for a second before eagerly nodding his head. he taps all kinds of things on the ipad to order on before looking up. "it's bad for you to run on no nutrients, it'll tire you out."
"i know, i'm bad at keeping up with food though. i always have so many things to do."
"like what?"
"school, friends, homework, netflix shows."
"you can eat while watching a show."
"popcorn yeah."
"you should eat lunch with me in school."
taehyung swallows the immediate yes that threatens to slip past his lips. instead he pauses. he wants to, spend time with jungkook at school but he isn't sure weather jungkook wants to. considering it's such a public place where not all but some people are aware of what taehyung's preferences are.
he frantically looks for something to say, something that doesn't sound accusatory. he doesn't blame Jungkook for setting a boundary but be doesn't know how to deal with a surprise offer like this.
"i uh.." he falters. "if you want me to." he finishes, watching jungkook realise the same thing he just did.
they are silent, both thinking about what to say next. it's frustrating to be so close to something great and not able to reach it. trauma takes time to heal and if they don't take that time, the something great will only turn onto something neither of them ever wants it to be.
"i'm sorry."
"don't be, you're allowed your boundaries jungkook."
the alpha sighs. "i'm scared taehyung."
"of me?"
"of not being with you."
"why?"
"you make me see the world a little better. when it's you and me, i can feel it, strength. when it's us i know there is a future in which i'll be healed, in which i'll be okay." he pauses as he turns to look at a painting on the wall. a pained look on his wall that only has taehyung more desperate to crawl inside the alpha's head to connect the right wires amd disconnect the wrong ones.
"when there's all these people around. i feel like their eyes are eating away at me. that they're all judging me. i can't help but loose sight of what i want."
taehyung nods his head. realising that he can only do so much. he isn't a professional, he is just doing what feels right. he knows trauma roots deep and he's willing to dig it up but he must realise that—if and when he does— he is also responsible for when things take a turn for the worse.
"you can't and won't be fixed in a day. give yourself time."
"but i'm being unfair to you."
"it isn't unfair, besides i knew what i was getting myself into. i'm here when you need me."
jungkook nods his head and in that moment of silence there's a knock and some waiters come bring them their food and drinks. soon the table is filled with delicious foods.
"please eat a lot." jungkook tells him and taehyung nods his head. immediately digging in and enjoying the food.
"my brothers came to visit."
taehyung hums between bites.
"they were talking to kinjo and i panicked. i wasn't ready for him to know yet, about me us, your preferences and everything "
nodding his head taehyung puts his chopsticks down. "have you considered the fact they didn't say anything?"
jungkook is silent.
"you can ask them, just shoot your brother a text."
he watches as the alpha types on his phone. feeling like there's so much more he should say but simply not having the words. though everything seems to work out for now.
but he fears the day he won't have the answer.
—
