Fairy Tale of New Lawke (NaNoWriMo)

Chapter 13 - Elliot

Dottie's roast beef was quite possibly the best he had ever tasted. It melted in his mouth as he groaned in ecstasy. It had been far too long since he'd had a meal that didn't come in a box with microwave instructions printed on the back. He could cook, quite enjoyed it actually, but with no company other than his daughter he saw little point in cooking when he was alone. I should invite Adaline for dinner soon, the thought crossed his mind as it had frequently the past few weeks. He could feel her eyes burn into him as he stabbed at the carrots. He hated the orange devil food, but hadn't want to appear ungrateful and rude. The group chattered amongst themselves, the two children giggling loudly as Joshua pushed mash through the gap in his mouth much to his mother's dismay. Elliot watched his daughter, warmth filling him, as she meekly sniffed a parsnip her nose wrinkling before popping it into her mouth, eyes open wide as the flavour exploded over her tongue and smacking her lips. She was really good at trying new foods, something she did not inherit from Elliot.  She'd almost cleared her plate, mopping gravy with her Yorkshire pudding - watching Adaline who sat beside her doing the same. It made him happier than he cared to admit to see his daughter so besotted by Adaline. They giggled together as gravy dribbled from Adaline's chin landing on her dress. Reaching a hand to help himself to more roast potatoes, his fingers brushed Adaline's who quickly pulled her arm back. Crimson spread over her cheeks. God, she's beautiful. Elliot couldn't help the racing in his chest every time he looked her way. He'd not felt this way about a woman since he'd been with Bonnielola's mother, and that had ended in disaster after they had welcomed their daughter into the world.

With everyone pleasantly full of food, Adaline and Elliot cleared the table before the worked together to tackle the dishes. They worked well together, silently passing plates and stacking them into the appropriate cupboard. Turning on the radio, Mariah Carey's voice filled the room, Adaline poorly harmonising with the vocals. With snow falling outside the window, the children laughing in the living room and Christmas decorations adorning every inch of the cottage Elliot found himself feeling incredibly festive. His husky voice joined Adaline's and Mariah's - too deep to truly work not that either cared. He was truly carefree and happy, something almost alien to him. He pulled Adaline into his arms, dancing with her around the kitchen, leaning her backwards before slowly pulling her towards him. She laughed, loud with a slight snort, as she leaned in close so that they swayed with the music. She smelled of lavender, her soft hair tickling his chin. It was hard to breathe, his chest heavy as he held her. Guilt crushed him as he thought of the hurt he'd inflicted on her, the small scar clearly visible if he looked down. He wished he could turn back the clock, undo what he'd done, but he knew he wouldn't be the man he was now if it weren't for his past. I'm really falling for her, he realised as she sighed into him. The thought terrified him, he didn't want to hurt her again. Nor did he want to feel the pain Laura had inflicted on him. Didn't want to open up, to trust someone again, only to be burned once more. Clearing his chest he pulled Adaline out of his arms and walked away, refusing to look back and see her confused and hurt expression. He needed to get out, to distance himself from her. To protect them both from the inevitable. He had to be a man and do the right thing, no matter how much it killed him to do so.

Saying their goodbyes, hugs shared amongst one another, Elliot and Bonnielola climbed into his car and began the drive home. He was grateful to Laura for agreeing to let Bonnielola spend extra time with Elliot. He'd missed so much during the first year of her life with the toxicity between him and Laura. The hatred and betrayal he felt towards her. He'd missed her first word, first steps, first try of proper food. Had found it difficult to bond with her, distancing himself as a father. He'd vowed to spend every waking day making it up to his daughter. To show her time and time again that he loved her unconditionally and more than he could ever love anyone else. Her head began to drop next to him, the busy day taking its toll. Pulling into the carpark belonging to the tenants in his block of flats, Elliot carried the sleeping child in his arms. Tears sprung as she sleepily wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled closer. Until he'd become a father he had never understood what people meant when they said having a child was like holding the entire world in your hands. How terrified it made you. How everything became a hazard for you to second guess and avoid. He'd never experienced that love from his parents, especially his father. Had never been tucked into bed with a bedtime story or cuddled and told he was loved like he and Laura spent every day doing with Bonnielola. He had not a single memory of his father telling him he was proud or spending quality time with Elliot. He would watch enviously as his father showered his brother and sister with the love he craved. He hadn't understood as a child, still didn't fully understand, but he knew now that it was not his fault but his father's. He could never imagine subjecting Bonnielola to the feeling of inadequacy his father inflicted on him. It was partly why he refused strongly to ever have another child. He didn't believe he could love anyone as much as he did this precious jewel he carried. Placing her gently in his bed, Elliot watched her for a while. Her bottom lip suckled in slightly, a peaceful look about her. She really was beautiful, the perfect combination of him and Laura. He'd travel to the heavens for her, fight monsters in her closet and gently remove any spider from her room for as long she needed him to. Anything and everything she needed he would work hard to give her. She'd never be without, not if he could help it. On tiptoes so as not to disturb her slumber, Elliot headed to the living room where he slept when she stayed. His spare pillow and duvet were already set up having been used the night before. It was still early out, only 8:35pm, yet he felt more exhausted than he had in years. Aimlessly clicking through the channels on his Sky box, he settled on a recording of Ghost Adventures, Zak Bagans voice filling the tiny room.
"There are things in this world we will never fully understand. Understand," he chanted along with the television, fidgeting until he was comfortable. He wasn't a big believer of the paranormal, deciding most were simply a con to gain money and recognition, but something about Zak, Aaron and Nick had him hooked. He couldn't pinpoint what exactly; Aaron's hilarious reactions to noises, Zak's big personality, Nick's calmness or the fact he couldn't explain away a lot of what they captured. Whatever it was he didn't miss an episode and often rewatched the earlier seasons, saddened by the fact Nick wasn't in the later ones. Subtitles displayed on the bottom, he strained his ears. It was easy to miss unusual phenomenon on this show if there was background noise. It was the only time he bothered with subtitles, he struggled to focus on both the wording and the voices usually. He jumped as a bang sounded from the television set, the trio displayed shouting over one another as they tried to debunk the noise. What he'd give to cuddle up to Adaline and watch this show with her. He wondered if she'd enjoy it, he had the feeling she was the type of person to prefer a romantic chick-flick than anything remotely scary. She was too sweet and kind. Heck, he'd endure the torment of a Nicholas Sparks movie if it meant spending time with her, enjoying her company. He couldn't erase the image of Adaline and Bonnielola bonding through the day. Of Adaline nurturing her so naturally she could have passed as her mother. He hadn't dated since Laura, worried whoever he chose - and more importantly who chose him knowing he had a child - would be the wicked  stepmother portrayed in films. Yet Adaline had eased those fears without trying. It had made her much more attractive to him than she already was, turning it from something superficial to something he simply could not explain. He knew he'd have to talk to Laura, to see if she'd be open to Elliot taking Adaline on a day out with him and Bonnielola some point in the near future. He'd ask her first, respect her decision before asking Adaline. He just hoped Adaline would give him the chance. He felt awful for rebuffing her as he had done early and knew he owed her an explanation. He'd speak to her on Monday when he returned to Dotties. He'd already made the decision to leave his role, to accept another job he'd applied for. He just had to talk to them both, to explain why. He prayed they understood, especially Dottie. He adored her and didn't want her to think he didn't care. He could feel his eyes falling. A woman's voice sounded from the TV as an advert for a hour television show due to start after Christmas played. Unable to stop himself falling asleep any longer, he switched the television set and allowed himself to drift off. His snores filling the otherwise silent flat.