Sinner for the Devil | l.s.

13

The earth kept moving, the time passing. It has been some time since I last saw him. He haven't even send me one of his messages.

I missed him, that alone was stupid enough of me, and even more stupid was that I wanted to see him again.

Niall interrupted me from thinking in bed when he rushed into my room without knocking.

Like, it's not that hard to knock, is it?
"Hey, don't you know how to knock?" I wasn't angry or anything, I didn't really have the energy to be even if I wanted to.

"I can't look at you staying here all the time. Look, I know you are hiding something from me. I am not stupid." he crossed his arms on his chest.
"I am not hiding anything. I am just experiencing lower period of my life right now." I lay down on my pillow again.
"Sure." he grabbed that one dirty plate and some glasses which were resting on my table.

"I am going to the supermarket. Do you wanna come?" he glanced at me before he took his eyes back to those dirty dishes he tried to balance in his hands.
"No, just buy me a lettuce and lentils!" I screamed my answer since he had left my room already.

I am attending work of course but it doesn't feel like I am inside my body. It doesn't feel like me. It's just an empty shell without my soul.

When Niall left I went into the living room, turning on our tv.

I only went out only when Niall wasn't home. I didn't want him to see me and I didn't want him to ask unnecessary questions.

I looked terrible. I was avoiding the mirror myself, I didn't need him to comment on my appearance as well.

I put on Friends while wrapping myself into a fluffy blanket which warmed me up perfectly. I have been feeling incredibly cold lately so-

The doorbell rang.

Niall forgot something? Why didn't he call me first? I got up with the blanket still around me, going towards the door.

I was just in my pajamas.
My long curls were all greasy, the bags under my eyes heavy and dark, my skin was pale and my body was slow.

I grabbed the door handle slowly, relieving a brunette man standing behind our door.

I was staring at him like on some fucking miracle.
What was Tomlinson doing here?

He sneaked around me into the flat without asking. I closed the door, following him into the living room.

He took a look around before his eyes landed on my figure again.

"Where was my boy?" he slided his thumb across my cheek.
"He is dead." I stopped his hand from touching my face.
"What?" he furrowed his brows.
"Told you. Your boy is dead." I was super tired of that shit, okay? I just didn't care what was coming out of my mouth at that point.
"Do you fucking know who-" I interrupted him, I didn't care he could kill me in the next few minutes if he wanted to.

"No, because you still haven't introduced yourself to me properly! I don't know how to even call you! All you do is come up to me, use me and leave me. I don't want to feel like your toy, like shit..." I was on the verge of crying, the anger boiling inside me.

"You come, you take, you leave... this whole cycle on repeat." I took few deep breaths to calm down.
"You like it. What the fuck is the matter with you?"
"What is the matter with me? With me? I feel like a piece of trash! And that I like it? Maybe when my dick is in charge instead of my fucking brain but when you leave and I am left alone I feel so dirty and disgusted by myself!" I shouted everything out, sitting back down on the couch.

"That's what you signed up for! I thought you liked to be everyone's slut? You were sleeping with people around the town! Whenever you went into a bar you fucked with someone and the second day with somebody else so what's the fucking problem here?!"

"Maybe the fact that I realized I want to feel something more with someone, that I don't want to sleep with strangers anymore." I put my head into my hands.

"Your choice. I don't need you. There are other people outside who can take your place, don't you think? You know what? Do all people a favor and go fuck yourself! Yeah, and don't think I am going to watch after you. You are not under my protection anymore, you piece of shit!" he stormed out of mine and Niall's place quickly. My body shivered all over when the loud slam of the door spread through the whole flat.

"What have I done?" I felt the overwhelming amount of all those emotions raining down on me.
I didn't want it to end like that. I- didn't want him to leave my life.

It was fucking complicated.

I hate him for how he had treated me, how he hurt me.
On the other hand I am scared I won't ever get the chance to see him again.

I felt my heart aching, I swear it really hurt.
I wanted to call him to come back but something was restraining me from doing so.

I was in the biggest war with my brain, screaming and crying on the whole flat, when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder.

"Harry? Hey, mate?" I opened my puffy eyes in fear because I totally didn't expect that touch when nobody was home but me.
"Niall." I whispered when I saw his confused face.

"Hey, I am here with you bud. What happened?" he took the place next to me on the couch, scanning my face all over.
"You will hate me." I wiped away my tears into the sleeve of my tshirt.
"You know that's a lie. Spill it already!" he urged.
"Tomlinson." he kept staring into my face without any reaction.
"What's with him?" he didn't understand.
I looked into my lap with all those memories of our nights we had spent together projecting in front of my eyes.

"We were hooking up." I felt new, hot tears building up in my eyes.
"You slept with him?"
"Not just once." I sobbed.
"I should have listened to you, I was so stupid." I rested my forehead against his shoulder, his arms embracingme in a tight hug full of brotherly love that I really needed right now.

"Hey, you are not stupid, shush." then we were silent until Niall spoke up when I calmed down a bit.
"I need you to tell me everything." he pulled away, his icy blue irises fixed on me.

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A/N
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